NIGHTMARE

I held my ragged breath, gasping for air from running too long. My lungs ached. My heart pounded so hard I could almost hear it. He mustn't find my hiding place! I didn't want to be caught! Trembling, I heard his footsteps approaching my spot. I struggled to quiet my still-racing breath. The corridor was so quiet and gloomy, relying only on the faint moonlight for illumination. I leaned tensely against the cold, gray corridor wall, behind an old, seemingly disused truck. He seemed to sense my presence behind the truck, because then I heard his steps drawing closer. Before he could find me, I immediately darted away from him. Even though my legs felt like jelly, I couldn't stop. I didn't want him to catch me. At the corner, I turned right. Gasping, I kept running without ever looking back. I was too afraid to see his figure behind me. The further I ran, the gloomier the corridor felt. The light diminished more and more, until darkness filled the entire length of the corridor I traversed. My panic made me oblivious to my surroundings; I just kept running and running without ever thinking of stopping. Until finally, I collided with something in front of me, and before I fell, that something caught my body. I spontaneously screamed in terror... I screamed and screamed without stopping. I felt a shake on my shoulder, then I heard a voice calling my name. I came to, then woke from my sleep. I looked at the gentle face of the man in front of me. I felt his arms pull me into his warm embrace. My tears burst forth. It turned out I was having a nightmare again. The same dream for almost a month now. "Calm down, darling, calm down... I'm here... Don't be afraid... You're okay... It's just a dream... Just a dream... Forget it... Just a dream..." As he gently stroked my trembling back, I heard his soft voice trying to calm me. **** The next day I felt tired and listless. It was hard to close my eyes again after last night's nightmare. Today felt gloomy. Heavy rain and thunder outside the house added to my unease. While washing dishes, I pondered, thinking about last night's dream. For almost a month, that dream had always bothered me, making my sleep restless. Because of that nightmare, my nights were now filled with anxiety. I started to be afraid to fall asleep. Afraid that the dream would come back. A gust of wind coming through the kitchen window slats made me shiver. I felt something creeping up behind me. Before I could turn to look, I suddenly felt something grab my arm. I spontaneously screamed. The plate I was holding fell and shattered on the floor, creating a loud noise. "My God, Zia, why are you so startled? It's just me!" Asmira snapped, making me jump. "I've been calling you for a while, but you were silent, so I nudged you. You're already daydreaming this early." she chattered, helping me pick up the broken pieces of the plate from the floor. I could only remain silent, listening to her chatter, feeling confused with myself. Why was I so startled? Asmira is my female cousin. She had been at my house for almost a month, spending her college holiday. Since I got married, my busy work schedule and the fact that my residence was no longer close to hers meant we rarely met. Coincidentally, I had stopped working a month ago. I couldn't clearly remember how it happened. All I knew was that a month ago I woke up, realizing I was in the hospital. The doctor said I had suffered from brain inflammation. Since then, my husband forbade me from returning to work. Although I was reluctant to spend all my time at home, I didn't want to contradict his wishes. For some reason, in the last month, I felt he seemed different. I initially thought it was due to his worry for me. But after my recovery, he still seemed gloomy. *** That afternoon, the sky looked bright. The rain had stopped, leaving wet traces on the glass surface. Several puddles in the yard reflected the bright sunlight. The fresh scent of wet grass gradually eased the anxiety in my heart. Asmira approached me, lost in thought, watching drops of water fall from the tips of the leaves on a guava tree in the yard. She wanted to invite me to go shopping. This was the third time she had asked me, after I refused last week because I felt unwell. Actually, today I was also a bit lazy to leave the house, but I didn't have the heart to refuse her invitation again. *** In the midst of Asmira's busy shoe selection that afternoon, I felt the urge to use the restroom. This must be the effect of all the water I drank during lunch. After saying goodbye to Asmira, I immediately rushed to the nearest restroom, which was quite far, winding around, descending several long flights of stairs. It made me almost unable to hold back the increasing pressure on my bladder. The restroom was very quiet and dimly lit. That made me uneasy. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I looked pale and tired. There were dark circles under my eyes. After using the restroom, I quickly hurried out. For some reason, I felt increasingly restless. Especially when I heard the echoing sound of footsteps approaching. From the dim light, I saw a shadowy figure walking towards me. My breath caught. My knees trembled. My heartbeat pounded in my ears. I pressed myself tighter against the cold white wall behind me. The shadow moved closer, closer. Gripping me with increasing terror. I screamed at the top of my lungs when I felt a pair of dark hands grab my shoulders. "Zia! Calm down, Zia! Calm down! It's me, Asmira!" Asmira? I felt as if doused with a bucket of cold water, realizing her words. Oh my God... Why was I so terrified? I leaned weakly against her, as she was still shaking my arm. She guided me out of the restroom, then led me into a nearby food court. She asked me to sit down, then gave me a glass of mineral water. Trembling, I drank the water until it was empty. I tried to regulate my still-racing breath. Gradually, my feelings began to calm. I saw concern in her eyes. For some reason, her gaze made me feel awkward. "How are you?" she asked, refilling the empty glass in front of me. "Drink more." she commanded. "I'm fine." I replied, finishing the water in front of me again. "I was just startled earlier." I explained, looking down. "You were in the restroom for so long, it made me worried. That's why I decided to follow you." I could only remain silent, listening to her explanation. There was nothing I could say, because I myself felt confused about myself. "You seem tired. We'd better go home." she concluded. *** This evening, my husband came home earlier. I saw him looking at me with some concern. "Are you okay, darling?" he asked, gently kissing my forehead. That afternoon, I was sitting in our bedroom. Lost in thought, gazing at the horizon that was beginning to redden in the west. I smiled and hugged him. His presence always managed to calm me. "I'm fine, darling." I helped him untie his tie and unbutton his shirt. He looked tired. "You're pale." he said worriedly, stroking my face. "Ah, I'm just a little tired. You know I didn't sleep well last night." His eyes looked at me with concern. "Then you'd better rest. I don't want you to get sick." "Don't worry, I'm fine." I didn't want Aska to be overly worried about me. He already had a lot to do at the office, without needing my condition to add to it. After dinner, he asked me to rest quickly. Feeling tired, I obeyed his request. Before bed, he asked me to take medicine he said would help me sleep better. He lay down beside me. Whether it was due to the medicine or the exhaustion I felt, not long after, I sank into a deep sleep. I woke up, surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. My eyes opened, observing my bedroom surroundings. I was alone. Aska was nowhere to be found. I got out of bed, stepping out of the room. I felt thirsty. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight. In the hallway leading to the kitchen, I briefly heard my husband's voice from Asmira's room. Curiously, I approached. I could hear his voice talking to my cousin more clearly. "No! She doesn't need to know what happened. It will hurt her." Aska argued. "But for how long? How long will you hide everything from her! She's getting stranger by the day!" Asmira protested. Her voice grew louder. "I don't know." he sighed tiredly. "I don't know, Asmira. I don't want her to know about that incident. I'm afraid it will destroy her." His voice was full of despair. "At least you can take her to the hospital." "She's not crazy!" he cut in. "I didn't say she was crazy!" Asmira retorted. "It's just that she's getting stranger! She often daydreams. Falls silent suddenly. Then screams for no reason. She's like someone terrified! It's not just you who's worried about her, I am too." I didn't understand what they had been talking about. I felt uncomfortable eavesdropping on their conversation. But my curiosity kept me glued to the door. "I've already asked for medicine from the doctor who treated her at the time. He said it could make Zia calmer. I hope the medicine can help her rest, without being disturbed by nightmares." I gasped, realizing they had been talking about me all along. "How long will you keep giving her that medicine? Will it make her stop being afraid? Aska, you have to think about her future. I'm still here now, I can still look after her and pay attention to her. But what if she's alone later? Are you sure nothing will happen to her? Come on, try to think. You have to take her to a psychiatrist. Whether she eventually remembers what happened or not, we can leave it to the experts. At least we won't leave her in her current state." I became even more confused hearing their conversation. What were they actually talking about? What didn't I remember? What happened to me that I forgot? Oh my God... What was really going on? For quite some time, no conversation was heard from inside. "Alright, I'll think about all your suggestions." he then hissed. I heard Asmira sigh impatiently. "Don't think too long. Pity your wife. Oh, and what about the lab results? Are they out yet?" Asmira asked. "Yes, it turns out he was the perpetrator. I really didn't expect him to be so cruel." He growled. "But the actual events are still a mystery." he continued. "Wasn't he the one who pushed Zia off that building, Aska?" "The police and I also thought so; after he raped her, he pushed her off that building. Poor Zia, that must have been terrifying for her. I forbade the police from questioning Zia. Actually, I'd prefer if Zia never remembered that incident. I don't want her to be hurt." My legs trembled violently. I saw the objects around me swaying. Flashes of events raced through my mind. That night, I was forced to work overtime at the office, because I had a lot of work to finish due to a deadline. I called my husband, telling him I would be home a bit late. He sounded worried, but I tried to assure him I would be fine. I had no choice but to do the work that night. Although a little worried about the increasingly quiet office atmosphere, I tried to ignore it. In the midst of my concentration, staring at the computer screen, I suddenly heard a knock on my office door. My relatively high position meant I had my own workspace. Although small, I felt comfortable. I opened the door and saw Lio, a colleague I was quite close with, standing and smiling behind the door. I had known him for a long time, even before I got married. He was a good man, in my opinion. We often chatted during breaks. It turned out he was about to ask me to go home together. I told him I still had a lot of work, and I might be home a bit late. That's where the disaster began. Once again, I checked my work results for the night. After I felt everything was in order, I finished and decided to go home immediately. The office corridor felt so deserted as I walked towards the elevator. As I turned the corner, a pair of hands suddenly grabbed my arm tightly and dragged me into a room. I struggled and screamed as loud as I could. A hand covered my mouth. Instinctively, I bit that hand. My assailant flinched in pain. His grip on my arm loosened enough for me to struggle free. I ran, filled with extreme panic and fear. Behind me, I felt my assailant still chasing me. I went through corridor after corridor. But I still couldn't find a way out. My panic made my mind go blank. Then I saw the elevator door to my left. I quickly pressed the button, but before the door opened, my assailant was already closer to me. Not wanting to be caught, I finally ran again. I was gasping for breath. My legs felt weak and trembled. Exhaustion made me fall, tripping over my own feet. I struggled to get up, but I was too late. My assailant had managed to grab my hair and roughly pulled me. Before I could scream, I felt a rather hard blow to the side of my head. It made me flinch, my ears rang, my vision blurred and faded until I couldn't remember anything anymore. When I opened my eyes, I was apparently lying on a hard, cold floor. In front of me, I saw the figure of a man who startled me. I quickly tried to sit up. But before I could, the man in front of me suddenly pinned me down. Fortunately, I fainted quickly, so he hadn't had time to remove my clothes. While pinning me down, he struggled to pull off my shirt, until finally the buttons of my blouse scattered across the floor. He completely ignored my struggles and screams. He didn't even seem bothered by any of it. Fear and horror made me lose my mind even more. My tears burst forth. I started to get tired. That, however, slowly brought my sanity back. I began to beg my assailant. "Stop, I beg you... Don't do this... Please don't, Adri..." I pleaded, in tears. "No! I won't stop!" he snapped. "I hate you, I hate Aska, I hate both of you... I will destroy you... It's your own fault for choosing him over me..." he snarled, tearing my underwear. I could only sob, enduring all this humiliation. My struggles were no longer strong. "Please, Adri, you don't have to do something crazy like this..." "Shut up!" he sneered. "Who do you think made me this crazy? You! You made me crazy, Zia... You destroyed my feelings, and I will destroy your life... I've been waiting for a moment like this for a long time... Coincidentally, I heard you talking to your friend... The devil is on my side tonight... And tonight I will make it a nightmare for the rest of your life..." he threatened, making me shiver with horror. I never thought he could be so cruel to me. Adri had been my friend since childhood. Since we were little, we had always been together. There was no me without Adri, and vice versa. School, college, even work, we were always together. Adri was always there for me whenever I needed him. I never suspected that Adri had deeper feelings for me all this time. Because all this time I only considered Adri like my own brother. The brother I never had. Until one day I met Aska, and developed a close relationship with him. Since then, Adri started to change. He began to seem unfriendly towards Aska, even though Aska was a good friend he had introduced me to before. His attitude and actions became increasingly strange. He often forbade me from going out with Aska. He told me that Aska was not a good man. Until finally I knew that he loved me. In fact, I thought he was somewhat obsessed with me. One time, I accidentally opened his closet and was surprised to see many of my belongings that I thought were lost, neatly arranged inside. From hair ties, bracelets, dolls, to t-shirts from our childhood. A stack of albums containing all my photos was also stored in that closet. I started to feel horrified knowing all this. At that moment, he caught me. I couldn't pretend not to notice what I had seen. Filled with an awkward feeling, I finally asked him. "Adri? Why are all my things in your closet?" I briefly saw Adri's face tense, then relax again. He smiled at me. But for some reason, his smile felt strange to me. Like it was forced. "Ah, I just found them by accident. I forgot to return them, so I just kept them myself." A strange excuse, in my opinion. So many of my things were there. Almost a whole closet. I didn't say anything after hearing his answer. I was still filled with shock. The climax was when my relationship with Aska became more serious. Until we decided to get married. Hearing that, Adri seemed very angry. That afternoon, Adri and I were alone in the backyard of my house. Carefully, I explained my wedding plans with Aska. Hearing my words, Adri immediately stood up, grabbed my arm, and shook it. His handsome face contorted into a terrifying sneer. I just gasped, staring at him in shock. "Why, Zi, why? Why did you never realize that I love you? I'm the one who's always there for you, not Aska! I'm the one who knows you better, not him! But why? Why do you love him instead? Why can't you love me!" "Adri, let go! What are you doing?" Asmira snapped, who suddenly arrived between us, pulling my body from Adri's painful grip on my arm. Confused, I looked at Adri with a mixture of pity and horror. "I'm sorry, Adri, I... I only ever thought of you as my brother, and I thought you felt the same. I never realized you saw me as more than that. I'm sorry, I hope you can accept my decision to marry Aska." "No! I will never tolerate seeing you happy with him." he threatened, walking away from me. I just stood stunned. His last gaze pierced my mind. Deep down, I felt guilty for hurting his feelings. After all, he and I had been friends for so long. "I've told you many times, Adri is obsessed with you. But you never believed me." Asmira said, snapping me out of my daze. Since then, Adri started to distance himself from me. Even though he and I worked in the same office, he acted as if he didn't know me. Sometimes during lunch, I would accidentally see him watching me when we happened to eat in the same cafeteria. I wanted to greet him and approach him. It felt uncomfortable like this. But I was worried if he really didn't want to know me anymore. So, from that afternoon on, he and I were like two strangers. A sad feeling hung in my heart when I remembered how close we used to be. How easily love turned into hate. "You're evil, Adri! Evil!" I cried out in despair. I never thought he could be so cruel to me. He had defiled me. He raped me so mercilessly. How easily affection turned into deep hatred. To the point where he could humiliate me to this extent. I could only sob in a gloomy corner of the room. Bowed my head, lamenting the cruelty of revenge. I briefly saw his face full of vile satisfaction. I could no longer recognize the person I once cared for. "Don't cry, darling..." he hissed in my ear. The sweetness in his voice made me curl up even more in fear. "I said don't cry!" he suddenly snapped. It made me flinch. "I hate hearing you cry. Your tears used to always melt me, but now I hate hearing them! Stop, or I'll enjoy your body once more." he threatened. His gaze made me shiver. As if he wanted to devour me. I struggled to hold back my sobs. I didn't want to give him a reason to do that vile act on me again. "Wait until your husband finds out what happened to his wife, in this state." he mocked, almost making my sobs burst forth again. My heart felt as if it was being sliced imagining what Aska would say seeing me in this state. "He will surely abandon you." I heard him chuckle, imagining his words. For some reason, his words made me feel so afraid. Afraid that it was all true. I was afraid that Aska would think badly of me. "He will surely consider you a cheap woman, a whore! Look at your clothes. I doubt he'll want to accept you again." once again I heard him chuckle happily. His laughter sickened me! My ears burned hearing his rant. My chest tightened with rage. I truly hated him. I wanted to kill him right then and there. "Your husband will be here soon. I want to see his expression when he sees..." (Slap...!!!) My hand instinctively slapped his face. The rage within me could no longer be suppressed. I saw him startled, not expecting my action. The fear I felt suddenly vanished, replaced by such intense anger. "Satisfied...! Are you satisfied doing this to me...! Happy, are you...! You crazy man! Evil man...! Cruel...! Heartless...! Lucky I never fell in love with you...!" I snapped furiously. He just stood stunned, staring at me in disbelief. "I won't let you have the satisfaction of humiliating my husband...! I'd rather die...!" My mind was no longer sane. I was too afraid to see the pain on Aska's face if he saw me in this state. I also didn't want to satisfy Adri's madness. For whatever reason, it felt like the best way to wash away all the shame that befell me tonight was death. Without ever understanding why, my steps carried me running towards the edge of the building. I saw Adri looking at me in horror as I climbed the railing. "No, no, Zia...! No...! Don't...! Don't do this!" I pushed away his hand that tried to grab my arm. My mind seemed to stop functioning. I felt I was no longer able to think clearly. "You'll be satisfied... You'll be satisfied, Adri... I will die... and there'll be nothing more you can do to hurt me and my husband..." Before I fell from the fifth floor of that building, I briefly saw the pain in his dark eyes. I collapsed in front of that room's door. Remembering the painful event I had forgotten. The door in front of me opened. I stared blankly at my husband's face, surprised to see me. Immediately, the surprise on his face turned into deep sorrow when he saw my condition. "Zia, darling.." He lifted and embraced me. My tears burst forth. "Don't cry... don't cry, my love... Everything's alright... You're okay..." he whispered, trying to soothe my crying. He led me to sit on a chair in the living room. He gently stroked my back, but my tears kept flowing. From the corner of my eye, I saw Asmira wiping the corners of her wet eyes. All sorts of questions swirled in my mind. It turned out I didn't die. I survived. Yet the fifth floor of that building was so high. Oh, I felt as if I had just woken from a very long sleep. Only, that nightmare had now become the bitter reality of my life. "Aska, do you know what really happened to me that night?" I asked, stammering, holding back a sob. Aska still held me tight. "Yes, but you don't need to think about anything, darling. You're okay now. The doctor said the blow to your head was no longer dangerous. God's miracle still saved you." he explained. "But, but I... I have been defiled, Aska. I... I couldn't protect my honor as a wife." My tears burst forth again, soaking the front of his shirt. "Why does that matter?" he asked, gently releasing me from his embrace. He gazed deeply into my eyes. "That's not important, Zia. It was an accident. You don't need to worry about anything. My feelings are still the same. They will never change. No matter what happens." I looked at him in disbelief. I found sincerity in his calm eyes. I buried my face in his chest again. Doubt still clung to my feelings. Did he really still see me the same way? Hadn't his feelings for me changed even a little? "Zia, stop thinking the worst. Trust me. Do you think my love is only that shallow? Come on, you're the only one for me. I will love you forever. No matter what happens, my love for you remains whole." he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "Thank you, Aska. You are so kind. I love you so much. I love you very, very much. I... I'm so afraid you'll leave me." "I won't, I won't leave you. You are my wife. My love. My darling forever. Now let's rest. It's already early morning." he invited, leading me to the bedroom. "But there's still so much I want to ask." I sighed, following his steps to the bedroom. "We can talk tomorrow, darling. Now you rest. I want you to be calm when we talk about it." He gently laid me on the bed, tucked me in, then lay down beside me, holding me. "Goodnight, my love." he whispered, lightly kissing my lips. *** The next morning when I woke up, I saw Aska standing with his back to me; I heard him busy on the phone. My mind raced, remembering last night's events. So many questions filled my mind. I stared blankly at the back of this man whom I loved so dearly. How doubt still filled my chest. I felt I no longer deserved him. He was too good for me. But I realized I would never be able to bear losing him. I saw him hang up the phone and turn to face me. A smile bloomed on his face when he saw I was awake. "Good morning, My Sweet Heart." He approached me and gently kissed my lips. "Morning, darling." I replied, smiling. My voice sounded hoarse from crying too long last night. He got me a glass of water from beside our bed. His attentiveness made my throat tighten. He sat beside me, gently held one of my hands. His eyes gazed deeply into mine. "Aren't you working today?" I asked. "No, I want to spend today with my wife." His eyes twinkled mischievously. I grinned widely at him. "I already called Ted. Asked him to clear my schedule today. Remember? I'm the boss." he boasted, puffing out his chest playfully. I laughed at his antics this morning. "I'm happy to hear you laugh again. You look much more beautiful." he said wistfully, gathering a strand of my loose hair and gently tucking it behind my ear. I remained silent, hearing his words. "What, what actually happened to me after I fell that night?" I asked, lost in thought. "Can't you just forget all about it, darling? It's not a pleasant thing to remember." he pleaded, looking at my face sadly. "Don't I have the right to know?" I sighed. "I don't want to be constantly bothered by all sorts of questions in my head." He was silent for a long time, considering my request. He seemed to ponder. His eyes looked clouded. He took a deep breath. "Alright. What do you want to know?" "Everything." He seemed to ponder for a moment then began to tell the story. "That night, I was anxious waiting for you to come home. By 11 PM, you still hadn't informed me when you would be home. I felt increasingly uneasy. Finally, I decided to just go to your office. I was worried something bad had happened to you. Maybe I was overreacting. But you never came home that late. Your office atmosphere looked so deserted. I met the security guard at the gate and said I wanted to pick you up. He knew me well enough, so without hesitation, he immediately allowed me to enter. After parking the car, I walked around to the building's entrance. As I was walking, I heard the sound of something heavy falling not far in front of me. How shocked I was when I saw two bodies lying still not far apart. Unconsciously, I immediately rushed forward. How startled I was when I found that one of those bodies was yours. I was so distraught and terrified. Especially when I saw blood pooling under your head. I quickly carried you into the car. After that, I ran to the security post so he could help me deal with the other body. I immediately rushed you to the hospital. Not long after, the security guard arrived with an ambulance, bringing a body that startled me no less. Adri, a friend who used to be so close to me. I didn't have time to think about anything because I was so worried about your condition. When I saw the doctor come out of the ER, I immediately rushed to him. After making small talk asking for my identity, once again I was startled. He said that you not only fell from the building, but you had also been a victim of sexual assault. Later, I realized your clothes were torn. I was too worried about your safety, so that detail escaped my attention. Hearing the doctor's statement, I felt dizzy. I immediately thought of Adri. All sorts of suspicions formed in my head. But it all seemed illogical. Why did you and Adri both fall from that building? For a while, those suspicions were pushed aside by the doctor's explanation about you. A rather severe blow to the head made your condition quite critical. Finally, the doctor transferred you to the ICU. I prayed incessantly for your safety. I was so afraid you would leave me. The next day, I heard that Adri's life couldn't be saved. He suffered a severe brain hemorrhage. For days, even weeks, you were in a coma. Making me more desperate each day. Until three weeks later, a miracle happened. God answered my prayers. You woke from your coma. It turned out you had forgotten some events before the accident occurred. And I asked the doctor to hide everything from you. Although I felt the events of that night were still a mystery, I didn't want you to remember them. I felt that it would surely hurt your feelings. After you returned from the hospital, strangeness after strangeness often befell you. You often had nightmares and screamed in your sleep. You often daydreamed and became paranoid. Often screamed suddenly, like someone terrified. In short, you became stranger. Became very quiet. The doctor said it was a result of the trauma you experienced. Even though you couldn't remember it, your subconscious kept replaying the event. Now that you can remember everything, I hope you are no longer haunted by fear. I was so worried seeing it." Throughout Aska's story, I remained silent. Several times I gasped hearing his story. Especially when I heard about Adri's condition. It turned out he jumped after me. I didn't understand what was in his mind. I guess his obsession with me made him lose his sanity. "It wasn't Adri who pushed me off that building, Aska." I sighed. "I jumped off myself. I was afraid to face your reaction if you found me in that state. I was so desperate. I think, I think Adri jumped after me. He seemed to have gone mad. He was out of his mind." I explained, stammering. Pondering, remembering the events of that night. "There, there, don't dwell on it anymore. Just forget it. Consider it all just a nightmare. One that will soon pass and be forgotten." he whispered, stroking my shoulder. Since I managed to remember everything, I am no longer haunted by nightmares and baseless fears. Only sometimes my memory brings back memories of Adri. Sometimes I don't understand my feelings. There are times when I miss him. Adri used to be someone significant to me. Once, without realizing it, tears fell when I remembered how kind he used to be to me. At that time, I could feel how much he cared for me. Adri never once made me cry. He always protected and looked after me. If I have to admit it, his departure made my heart ache. Feelings are so complicated. His departure made me realize that I actually loved him. Although not as much as my love for Aska, I couldn't deny that I had love for him. Forgive me, I couldn't love you as you loved me. Loving Adri allowed me to release the suffocating hatred in my chest from the events of that night. Now I can remember Adri with love, without my heart aching from past trauma. Love once hurt me, but love also healed me. 17/02/17