Twilight Sky Part 6

School wasn't fun today. I couldn't focus on my lessons at all, repeatedly, unconsciously, looking at the empty desk in the front corner next to Eko. I wanted to see him. "What's up?" Ei asked. She seemed to hear my sigh. "Nothing." "Where's Senja, Ta? Why isn't he in school?" "Why are you asking me?" I replied, lying. Ei didn't comment further. She was busy grappling with her math worksheet. The phone I had placed in my desk drawer vibrated. When I checked, there was a text message from an unknown number. 085xxxxxxxxx: Break time, Rekta? Miss me already? The content of the message immediately made me sit up straight. Instead of ignoring the unknown number as usual, this time I read the message from that unknown number over and over, trying to convince myself that I recognized that way of speaking, as if I could hear it. "Excuse me, Ei." I tapped Ei's thigh, asking her to move. "What's the rush? What's going on?" Ei moved aside, giving me a path. "Hehe," I replied with a wide smile. I stood up, walked past Ei who was looking at me with a confused expression, got out of my seat, then approached Eko who was just about to leave the classroom. "Ko!" I called. "Hmm?" Eko asked when I approached him. He stopped at the classroom door. "Do you have Senja's number?" Eko took his phone out of his pants pocket, opened his contacts, then handed me his phone. I quickly entered the string of numbers into my contacts, saving it under the name Langit Senja. "Thanks, Ko." I returned Eko's phone. He nodded and then immediately left the classroom. I opened my inbox and smiled broadly when I found that the text message from the unknown number had changed to Langit Senja. Me: Yes, it's break time. Miss you? Nope. Haha.. I replied quickly as I stepped out of the classroom and leaned against the outside wall. My heart suddenly started beating faster as I pressed 'send'. I then reread the text message he sent and my reply, over and over until a reply from him came in. Langit Senja: Can you sleep? I laughed reading his reply and quickly typed a response. Me: It's been a long time since I could sleep in class. Langit Senja: Sorry for making you unable to sleep in class. Me: So full of yourself. Hey, are you busy? How was your family event? Langit Senja: You have to be confident. To add some spice to life. Langit Senja: Not busy. Alhamdulillah, it went smoothly. Me: Cool. Ja, I met Arik at Gramed yesterday. Langit Senja: Oh really? Is there any homework today? Me: Yes. Didn't Arik tell you? Me: So far, no homework. Hopefully, the last subject won't have any either. Langit Senja: Maybe he hasn't had time to tell me. Langit Senja: I hope there's homework. Me: Don't act so studious. Langit Senja: Hahaha. No. If there's no homework, I won't have an excuse to borrow a book from you. Thump! I smiled, feeling my heart beat even faster. My chest was full of happiness now. Me: I apologize, I'm not the book lending department. Where did you get my number? Langit Senja: I just suddenly found this number in my phone contacts. Me: Strange. Are you coming to school tomorrow, Ja? The bell signaling the end of the second break startled me. I immediately went back into the classroom. Ei looked at me strangely when I came in. "What's with that face?" she asked, giving me way. Her eyes followed me, looking suspiciously at my face. "What's wrong with it?" I asked, confused. "You seemed so listless all morning. And now suddenly you're smiling for no reason." "Just got a mood booster shot," I said with a wide smile. "What?" Ei asked curiously. "Hehe." I didn't answer Ei's question. I couldn't. Ei pouted. I checked my phone again. Still no reply from Senja. I then put the object wrapped in orange silicone rubber into the drawer and waited with a pounding heart. "Good afternoon," greeted Pak Ngadiyo. "Good afternoon, Sir." The class members answered Pak Ngadiyo's greeting in unison, making the teacher nod his head with a smile. "Do you still remember last week's topic on the metric system?" he asked with a marker in hand. "Yes, Sir." "Good. Let's continue our discussion from yesterday." Pak Ngadiyo then busied himself drawing, writing letters and numbers on the whiteboard. I didn't quite understand what he was explaining, or rather, I wasn't trying to understand it. I more often pulled out my phone and checked if there was a text message reply from Senja than looked at the whiteboard. I don't know how many times I'd taken my phone out of the drawer, but Senja's reply still hadn't come in. Ah, this was really frustrating me. "Hey, Mrs. Bossy! What's wrong with you? It's unusual for you to be checking your phone so much. Usually you don't care about your phone!" Ei whispered, nudging me. I just chuckled, not answering her, quickly putting my phone back in the drawer and pretending to pay attention to the whiteboard. *** The dismissal bell. My hand quickly grabbed my phone from the drawer as the bell signaling the end of class rang. But still, no reply from Senja. Lazily, I tidied up my books and stationery, putting them into my bag. "Is Mas Awan picking you up?" Ei asked. She stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "No. He can't pick me up today. He has classes until late afternoon." "Is your dad picking you up?" Ei asked. "Yes. But Dad won't be home until two. So I guess I'll just hang out in front until he arrives." Ei nodded. She glanced at the watch on her wrist. "Let's go to Pak Otong's!" she said. "Aren't you picking up Abim?" I asked. "No. Dad's picking him up." I complied, then matched her pace out of school and crossed the street in front of the school, which, as usual, was congested during dismissal hours like this. We then headed to the es teler stall at the corner of the intersection in front of the school. "Sir, two es teler," Ei said to the man who only answered with a nod because he was still busy preparing several orders of es teler before us. Again, I couldn't resist the urge to open my phone. Still no reply from Senja. I scrolled through my conversation with him earlier, rereading everything. Just in case I had said something that offended him, which was why he wasn't replying to my message. "Old lady, you've been so glued to your phone!" Ei snatched the phone from my hand before I could stop her. "Hey!" I failed to hold onto it. Ei only glanced at my phone screen, sighed, then returned it to me. "Do you really like Senja?" she asked. "Of course. He's a friend. I like you too," I replied. "Seriously, Ta. I'm sure you know what I mean." I sighed, fiddled with my phone, then shrugged. Ei looked straight into my eyes. "You're in love," she said. "Oh, nonsense!" "Then what do you call it?" "Call what?" "Your smile every time Senja is around?" The two bowls of es teler delivered to our table gave me a little time to avoid answering Ei's question. I crushed the pile of shaved ice in the bowl, mixing it with the milky-colored liquid. "You laugh more now, you smile more. Especially when Senja is around." Ei scooped a piece of avocado from her bowl. "Well, maybe I've just changed, Ei. It's not because of Senja!" I defended myself. "Are you trying to lie to me or are you genuinely oblivious to your own feelings?" It wasn't that I was oblivious to my feelings. I just didn't understand my own feelings. I had never felt like this before. I didn't know what this was. But it felt too soon to conclude that I was in love. It was impossible for me to be in love. "But I'm happy to see you now." Ei stirred her es teler. "Me now?" I asked. "Yes. The 'you' now is more pleasant to see." She smiled. "But, Ta. Senja is a special guy. There will be many challenges." I fell silent, lowering my gaze, not daring to look at Ei. I had never thought about that before. All this time, my attention had only been focused on him, on Senja. When I was with Senja, I never thought about anything else. Every time I was with Senja, all I thought about was that, being with him, nothing else. "Are you ready for all of that, Ta?" Ei asked again. It felt like I was talking to my mom. The way Ei spoke to me reminded me of her, not dictating to me, but always questioning my commitment to every action I took. I sighed. "I don't know, Ei." "Ta?" Ei looked at me. I smiled and shrugged. My phone vibrated. Ei and I both looked at the device, which I quickly picked up and opened its inbox. I smiled. Langit Senja: Sorry, I was a bit busy earlier. Yes, I'm coming to school tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. I sighed in relief and smiled. For now, I guess, I don't want to think about all that. I just want to see Senja's smile every day and hear his voice. For now, I just want him. *** The sky was clear this afternoon. I opened my bedroom window wide and, as usual, sat there, letting my legs dangle and play with the air. Below, Dad was washing his motorcycle. The warm tea in the mug beside me was still steaming, seemingly too hot to enjoy. So I just leaned against the window frame and plugged my ears with earphones while gazing at the sky as it began to turn orange. ♫I've had many times I can tell you. Times where innocence I'll trade for company♫ Shane Westlife's voice opened my playlist. Miss You Nights, the song that could make me float, played softly in my ears. My phone vibrated. One text message came in. Langit Senja: So? Any homework after all? I smiled, quickly typing a reply. Me: Sorry. You're out of luck. Langit Senja: Aww... I should've called the teacher earlier to give us homework. Me: Hahaha. What are you doing, Ja? Langit Senja: Just bothering you. You? Me: Just hanging out by the window watching the sunset. Langit Senja: Must be beautiful, right? I wish I were there with you I smiled, enjoying my heart suddenly beating faster as I read his last text message. Yes, I also wished he was here now. I really wanted to be with him now. My reply was just a smiling emoticon, too confused to reply anything else. ♫ But these miss you nights are the longest...♫ Brian's voice closed the first song on my playlist with those lyrics. Ah.. this song made me want to see him even more. Damn it. ♫ Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed. Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed... Some say love it is a hunger, an endless aching need.. ♫ Westlife's 'The Rose', which then played in my ears, suddenly stopped. I checked my phone screen. Langit Senja calling... A smile adorned my face again. I pressed the accept button on my phone. "Hello?" I said. "Tell me what it looks like," Senja said. I laughed. "No pleasantries?" I asked. It was Senja's turn to laugh. "Should I?" he asked. "Ummm... no, not really." "Now, tell me." "The sky is clear, Ja. There are only a few clouds forming an elongated mass along the horizon." My right hand moved in the air, tracing the shape of the clouds in front of me. "It's time to go home," I said. "The rain-bearing clouds also changed color, accompanying the sun home. But they could only accompany it this far, unable to go all the way home with the sun." I took a breath. "Like us, someday we'll have to go home alone." I leaned my head against the window frame. There was no comment from Senja. I just realized. Oh my god, what did I just say? Stupid. My words were a mess. "Ja?" I called. "Yes?" "Sorry, sorry. I was talking nonsense, right?" Senja laughed for quite a while. "It's okay," he said then. "I guess I can't explain it." "It's okay, Rekta. I like the way you explain things." I heard it, the smile in Senja's voice just now. He was right when he said he heard me smile. Now I knew. "Abendrot," Senja said then. "What?" I asked, confused. "The color of the sky at sunset. Abendrot," he explained. "I just learned it has a name," I said. Then there was another pause. We didn't speak to each other, but we didn't hang up either. We both waited. "Rekta?" he called after quite a while. "Yes?" "Have you ever heard the story of why the sky turns reddish in the evening?" "No. Is there a story?" I asked. I reached for my sun-patterned mug. There was still a little warmth on its sides. I drank some of the warm tea, waiting for Senja to share his story. "Once upon a time, day and night fell in love. But nature didn't approve of their love because too many things would be sacrificed if they were together." Senja paused. "They realized they couldn't be together. They didn't want to sacrifice many others just for their love." Senja was silent again. This time for quite a while. "Then what?" I asked curiously. Senja chuckled. "They made the most of every moment they could spend together without hurting others. Every evening, night would greet day, praise it, and declare its love until Day felt shy and the sky turned red." "Sad," I commented. "Why sad?" "So they couldn't be together, right?" "Love doesn't have to mean possession." "Why should there be love if you don't have to possess it?" I protested. I heard Senja laugh softly. "Love never forces, Rekta. Love never hurts either," he explained. "If it's forced without considering other things, let alone sacrificing others, then perhaps we need to question it again. Maybe it's lust, not love." I swallowed, not expecting to hear those words from someone my age, who always spoke so carelessly. "But there must be sacrifices, right?" I said softly. "No," he countered. "If it's truly love, there will be sincerity. So, it's no longer called a sacrifice." Now it was my turn to laugh. "Yeah, yeah," I said. There was another pause in my conversation with Senja. I tried to process all of Senja's words and was still gazing at the sky, which was no longer adorned by the sun. There was still a little orange color there. "Ja?" I called after a long time, after the sky had completely darkened. "Yes?" "I want to see you. You're coming to school tomorrow, right?" I must have been crazy. I couldn't hold those words back anymore. I really wanted to see him. Just one day without seeing him had driven me crazy. I only realized it now. I missed him. "Yes, Rekta. I'm coming tomorrow." I heard the smile in his voice again. "See you tomorrow," he said. "Thanks for accompanying me, Ja," I said. "No. Thank you." He emphasized his last two words. "See you tomorrow." "Yes, see you tomorrow." ♫ I say love, it is a flower. And you its only seed.. ♫ The song 'The Rose' played in my ears again as Senja ended the call. I smiled, finished my tea, and savored my longing for him. Yes, I missed him. A vibration from my phone brought me back to reality. I turned on the phone screen. Mas Awan: The network was busy. Sorry I couldn't pick you up earlier. Don't be late for dinner, okay? Miss you. He missed me. I sighed. I didn't reply to that text message, not knowing what to reply, not daring to reply because right now it wasn't him who was in my head, in my heart. Not him, but Senja. *** My body was drenched in sweat. I dropped myself down, sitting with my legs stretched out by the side of the running track. Soon, Ei sat down next to me, also almost out of breath. "My legs feel like they're about to fall off," I complained. "Mine too! I really dislike running like this." Ei commented. Today, the first lesson was sports. Since the school didn't have its own sports field, this subject was held at the Manahan sports area, the largest stadium in Solo. Well, similar to Senayan, a light version. "It's good, Ta. It can get rid of drowsiness!" Winda also sat in front of me, stretching out her legs. "It would actually get rid of drowsiness even more if we played volleyball earlier. And then hit the ball with your face, Win." Tika, her deskmate, commented. We laughed at Tika's comment. Winda pouted. The first hour of sports class started at half past six, a time when I was usually still wrestling with my blanket. Each schedule was followed by two classes, usually divided into two hours. The first hour was for female students. While male students would come in the second hour, which would start in ten minutes. "Alright, everyone's here, right?" Pak Agus, the sports teacher, checked his attendance list. "Okay. While you rest, I'm closing today's lesson. Next week we'll learn basketball." "At school, Sir?" Riska, a student from the next class, raised her hand. "Here. On the basketball court near the stadium." Pak Agus pointed towards the stadium not far from where we were sitting. "Okay. I'll leave now, okay?" "Yes, Sir!" we replied in unison. Pak Agus half-ran to the male students who had gathered and formed them into a line. There, in that line, I saw him. He stood next to Eko, listening to Pak Agus's explanation. "Take a picture. It lasts longer." Ei whispered, nudging me. I glanced at her. She stuck out her tongue at me. "Oh, so that's the Blind Man from Ghost Cave?" The question made me turn my head. A female student from the next class, whom I knew as Nei, was looking at Senja. Several female students sitting around her also looked at Senja. "Poor thing," one of them said. "So, how does he do sports? He can't see." Another commented. "Yeah, right? Besides, why is he even going to our school? Why not a special needs school?" Nei sneered. I straightened my body. A sudden anger coursed through my veins. I couldn't accept her talking about Senja like that, let alone giving him a nickname like that. She needed to be taught a lesson. Ei's grip on my hand made me turn to her. She shook her head, asking me not to do anything. "Can he even follow the lessons? If not, it's dangerous. Our school won't be able to achieve a hundred percent graduation rate again." The girl continued her sneering. "Besides, our school is weird too. Willing to accept a student with disabilities." Ei's grip on my hand tightened. She knew I would try to break free and confront Nei. "Don't, Ta," she whispered. "Be patient." I took a deep breath, hoping there was a lot of patience in the oxygen I inhaled. I needed it now. "Why are you talking about him, Nei? It's not important!" One of Nei's classmates sitting next to her stood up. "Let's go home!" she said, brushing the dirt off her pants. The group of female students from the next class stood up and soon rode their motorcycles out of the stadium area. "That's just one, Ta." Ei released her grip. "There are still many people like that, who like to belittle others. Especially special people like Senja." I was still taking long breaths, still trying to calm my heart and prevent my tears from flowing out due to frustration. "Aren't you guys going home?" Manda, my classmate, stood in front of Ei and me. "Later, Man. Still want to sit for a bit," I replied. "Alright then. I'm heading off, okay?" The girl walked away. I just realized, only Ei and I were still lingering here now. The other female students had gone home. I checked the time on my phone, twelve minutes past half past six. There was still plenty of time before the next class at eight thirty. "Not going home yet?" Ei asked. "A little longer, okay, Ei?" "Alright, I'll keep you company. Luckily I'm kind-hearted!" "Oh, please!" I pushed her aside and laughed. The male students had already started warming up. Reno was in charge of leading the warm-up this morning. "Has Mas Awan ever met Senja, Ta?" Ei suddenly asked. That's so her: sudden. "Not met, but seen. Why?" I asked. I was busy scrolling through Facebook on my phone. "What did he comment?" "He didn't comment anything. Just asked if he was a classmate. That's it. Never asked again." "What about Senja? Have you told him about Mas Awan?" Ei's question made my fingers, which had been swiping on my phone screen, immediately stop. I looked up. In front of us, not far from where we were sitting now, I saw Senja, accompanied by Eko, warming up with several other students. "I don't know, Ei. I've never introduced the two of them." Ei nodded her head. She looked at me but didn't say anything else. Soon, she stood up. "Let's join them!" she invited, pointing towards the group of male students sitting on the grass, near where they were doing sports. Some of the others, whose names were called by Pak Agus, were already at the starting line, preparing for a short-distance sprint race like I had to do earlier. I complied, also standing up and walking with her to them. "Hey, not going home yet?" Damar looked up, looking at Ei and me standing next to him. "Too lazy to go home," Ei said. "Want to support you, Dam. You often can't run well, so you'll need our support," she said, sitting down next to Damar. "Hey, excuse me?!" Damar replied. I sat down next to Ei, right next to Senja. "Hi, Ja," I greeted. "Rekta." He smiled. "Still tired?" he asked. "Tired? Not tired at all!" I replied. "I didn't make it to the finals, so I only ran once." "Wait, aren't you the best runner, Ta?" Damar chimed in. "Really?" Senja asked. "Yes, Ja. Running from reality." Ei answered, which was met with laughter from several people there. "Damar Pratama, Eko Priyo Ahmadi, Langit Senja....." I didn't pay much attention to whose names Pak Agus called out next. I preferred to watch Senja, who quickly stood up and walked with Eko to the running track. Eko accompanied him. Then my attention was focused there, on the running track where Senja was. To Senja. *** Pak Agus closed this morning's sports lesson with applause. I stood up, brushing the dirt off my pants as Pak Agus began to dismiss the group. Senja also stood up. "Going home?" Ei asked. "Let's go!" I replied. I turned to Senja. "Who are you going home with, Ja?" I asked Senja, who was now standing next to me. "My dad's picking me up," he said. "You?" "Walking. It's close." Eko, who had been next to Senja, pointed at Senja and me alternately. I nodded, understood what he meant, and then offered my arm to Senja. He smiled, immediately took my arm as usual. "Ja, sorry. I'm heading off first, okay?" Eko said goodbye. "Yes, Ko." "Let's go, Ta, Dew." Eko walked quickly towards his motorcycle parked not far in front of us. "Ta, Ja, sorry. I'm heading off first too, okay?" Ei said goodbye. I nodded. I knew she wasn't actually in a hurry to go home. She was just considerate enough to leave Senja and me alone. The other friends had already left the sports area. Only Senja and I remained. We walked towards the north gate of the stadium. "I guess my ride hasn't arrived yet," Senja said as we reached outside the gate. "How do you know?" I asked. "Well, you'll know when my dad's here." He smiled. "If you want to go first, it's fine. I'll just wait here." "Relax... I'm not in a hurry." We then stood leaning against the entrance archway. I looked up, gazing at the clear sky this morning. "Clear sky," I said. "Tell me," Senja said. He also tilted his head back. "Blue, with only a few clouds. Its color is soothing. The sky looks so vast." I smiled, taking a deep breath. "We're so small, aren't we, Ja?" I said again. I turned. Senja smiled with his eyes closed. "Ja?" I called. "Yes?" "I guess, never ask me to describe anything for you again. The result will definitely be a mess." Senja laughed. "It's okay, Rekta. I like it." We paused, silent with each other. I took out my phone, checked the time, then turned to Senja, looking at him. He smiled, seemingly feeling me looking at him. "I'm coming to school today, right?" he said, making me smile. "Yes. Thanks for coming to school today." I had a reason to look at him now. "What now?" he asked. "Nothing," I replied. "Like I said yesterday, I just wanted to see you." Senja laughed. "Do you want to accompany the sun home again this afternoon?" Senja asked. "Yes." I put my phone into my pants pocket, not wanting to see the photo of Mas Awan resting his head on my shoulder. The photo he set as my phone wallpaper a few days ago. I didn't want to feel watched. We then fell silent again. I watched people passing by on the street, or people entering and exiting through the gate. "What's so great about a sunset anyway?" Senja asked then. "What is it, Ja? Maybe the atmosphere, it makes me reflect. If sunrise represents hope, sunset represents contemplation." I took a deep breath. "Just to remind us that everything will have an end. Whatever it is. Including life." Senja smiled. "Rekta?" he called. "Yes?" "Are your thoughts always this interesting?" I turned to him. He smiled, lowering his face. I also smiled, and I don't know where I got the courage from, but I took one of his hands, making him turn to me, look at me. My heart was beating erratically again. My chest felt tight again. I was almost out of breath again. Everything I was starting to like and often missed was happening again now. Challenge. Suddenly that word entered my head. Nei's words from earlier also suddenly filled my head. But again, when he looked at me like this, when I was with him like this, I didn't want to think about anything, only about this, about now, and about him. To be continued