Twilight Sky Part 16

He did nothing. After our last chat that afternoon, he did nothing. Senja didn't discuss anything, nor did he change. We chatted as usual. He joked with Eko and Ei as usual. Good. Hopefully, today will be the same. I stepped into the classroom. My eyes immediately went to the front desk near the teacher's table. The seat next to Eko was empty this morning, and I didn't know whether to be happy or not. Ugh, I was annoyed with myself. It seemed my brain was truly programmed, automatically commanding my eyes to always look in that direction every time I entered the classroom. Damn. To make matters worse, it was already this late, and Ei hadn't arrived, and the only empty seat left was the one behind that spot. "Ko," I greeted as I passed Eko. He returned my greeting with a smile. The bell signaling the start of class rang just as I sat down. "Looks like Senja isn't coming in again today," Eko said. I hadn't had a chance to comment on anything. No time. Fortunately. Ei, who had just arrived and ran into the classroom, managed to distract us from the previous topic. "Not laaaaaate yet," she said, dropping into the seat beside me. "The bell already rang," said Manda, who was behind us. "Let it be. The important thing is I still made it in," Ei replied. "Hmmm..." I took a book out of my bag. "Not important." "Hmmm.." Ei mimicked me. "Let it be," she said. "Oh, Senja isn't here?" Right. That topic came up again. "Yeah," Eko answered, briefly as usual, before turning to face the whiteboard because the first-period teacher had already entered. The first period was math. Mr. Tri immediately wrote formulas on the whiteboard after checking attendance. And yes. Senja really wasn't at school again today. Again, excused due to a family event. Ei nudged me gently, diverting my attention from the math formulas being explained at the front. She slid her notebook towards me so I could read what she had written. Why isn't Senja here? Family events again? I shrugged, not answering her. Ei pulled her notebook back, wrote something, then showed it to me again. Are you serious about not caring about him anymore? Aren't you worried about him? Serious. I was serious about not caring about him anymore. But it wasn't that I wasn't worried. I worried about him, every time he wasn't there, every time I didn't see him. I worried sick. I pushed the notebook back to Ei without an answer. The girl didn't protest. She just sighed and then closed her book. She didn't even say anything else about Senja until the first break bell rang. "Why isn't Senja here again today?" Manda asked as soon as our teacher left the classroom. "That kid seems to miss school a lot, doesn't he?" Manda stood up, still continuing her discussion. "Family event, you know. Maybe he's getting married." Sari, her deskmate, didn't seem very interested in Manda's topic of conversation. But she faithfully listened to Manda, who kept talking about Senja as they left the classroom. I closed my book, pushed it to the edge of the table, preparing to rest my head. Today, I felt like sleeping all day, doing nothing. "Ta?" Ei called. She still hadn't stood up, still remained in her seat. She looked at me as if she was about to say something important. "What?" I asked. "I've been thinking, Manda has a point." Here we go.... "Senja misses school so often, doesn't he? If I think about it, at least once a month he's absent. Is it really a routine family event every month?" "Maybe there's a monthly social gathering," I answered vaguely. I was tired of discussing this. I had actually been thinking about this for a long time. But I didn't want to think about it anymore. Didn't want to care anymore. "Aren't you going to the canteen? Go to the canteen! I want to sleep," I said. "A social gathering, really? A social gathering on a weekday? Don't his family members work?" "How would I know, Ei. Why don't you just ask him directly?" I was starting to get annoyed now. "He's not here. How can I?" I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly before opening my eyes again. Ei immediately gave a super wide smile. "Okay, okay.. I won't ask about Senja anymore," she said with a grin before leaving the classroom. My phone vibrated. A text message came in. Awan: I'll be late picking you up this afternoon. The afternoon lecture's lecturer is late, he said, so it'll run until two. Me: Okay. I rested my head on the table, but refrained from closing my eyes, just looking at the other end of the classroom where only Eko and I remained this morning, with him sitting in front of me. "Are you sick?" Eko asked. I just tilted my head slightly, looked at him, and shook my head. "Can you contact Senja, Ta? My messages have only been getting one checkmark all this time." "Maybe he doesn't have a signal," I answered vaguely. "Alright then. I wanted to ask if he needs today's material." Lazily, I sat up straight, took out my phone again, was about to send a message to Senja, but then stopped. "Just wait, Ko," I said. "What's going on with you two?" Eko then asked. "Nothing. Why?" Eko didn't answer, just looked at me for a moment, then turned away. That was it. He didn't ask anything else. Just like Ei, who then came back and sat beside me when the break bell rang. The girl just smiled widely, then immersed herself in the lesson until it was time for us to go home. "Hey, Ta," Ei said as she packed her things. "Don't you think maybe Senja is actually..." "Do you want to go home?" I asked, cutting off Ei's sentence, not intending to answer her question, whatever it was. "Are you really not going to care about him anymore, Ta?" I rolled my eyes and walked away from Ei. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything that happened to him. I didn't want to care. I wouldn't care. Yes, I really hoped I could do that, truly not care. "Taaa!!!" Ei called. She half-ran to catch up with me outside the classroom. "Don't be sulky like that, come on," she said once she reached my side. I didn't say anything. "Okay, okay... I won't talk about Senja anymore," she said. "Only...." I immediately turned to her. She smiled, shrugging. "Has your body guard picked you up?" Ei asked. "You're so annoying today, Ei!" I complained. I knew she could sometimes be very annoying. But this afternoon, she was extremely annoying. Super duper. I felt like she hadn't been this annoying all day. Ah, or maybe it was just because I'd been feeling off these past few days. "Has Awan picked you up?" She repeated her question in a more proper way. "Not yet. He still has class. He said he'd be a bit late." "Oooh..." Ei nodded. "Do you need company waiting for your ride?" "No need. I'm not in the mood to talk to you. You're seriously annoying today." "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Instead of feeling guilty, Ei just gave me a mischievous smile. Annoying. Ei looked at the watch on her wrist. She looked surprised when she saw what time it was. "Oh my goodness, Ta. I have to pick up Abim. I'm going first, okay? Bye!" She half-ran, leaving me. How strange. I finally dragged my feet alone through the hallway in front of the counseling room, towards the small door that was often used as the main entrance and exit to this school building. My steps slowed as I neared the gate. Someone stood near the gate with long hair tied in a ponytail and arms crossed over her chest, waiting for me. Her eyes hadn't left me since they found me just now. "I need to talk to you!" she said as I reached her. "Here?" I asked. Arik sighed impatiently. She began to speak in a low voice, which only she and I seemed to be able to hear. "I don't know what game you're playing right now. But whatever it is, please don't involve Senja. Please don't hurt him. Please leave him alone." There was no defense. I took a long breath, drawing as much oxygen as I could into my lungs. I didn't want to cry in front of her. But I failed. My eyes finally welled up with tears. "That's enough. I already know what kind of girl you are." Arik's voice was still as soft as before, and I remained silent. "It seems all you can do is hurt Senja, just harm him. So please, stay away from Senja." "What's wrong with Senja, Rik? What happened to him?" I asked in a panic, hearing Arik's words. "Enough. Don't pretend to care," Arik said. "Please leave Senja alone. He deserves a girl much better than you!" It seemed what we were doing had attracted the attention of people around us. I saw several pairs of eyes glancing our way, accompanied by indistinct whispers, although no one approached. But, it seemed Arik also noticed it. So she quickly left me. "Ta? Are you okay?" Manda, who had just come out of the school building, immediately asked as she stopped her quick steps. "Yes, Ta. Are you okay?" Tika, who had come out with her, also asked. I nodded with the best smile I could muster. "I'm fine, really." "Really fine? The kids from the next class were buzzing, saying you were confronted by a girl from another school." Manda placed her hands on my cheeks, checking my face. Luckily, I had managed to wipe away the tears that had fallen. So, I guess, it was convincing enough when I said I was fine. "What are you talking about, Man. I'm really fine. No one was confronted. Just wanted to talk about something." "Which kid?" Tika's voice was high-pitched. "What do you want to do?" I asked her. "That friend of mine, haven't seen her in a long time." My eyes then saw Awan stop his motorcycle near the sidewalk. Good. I could escape their questions now. "I'm going first, okay? My ride's here," I excused myself, walking quickly towards Awan. "Been waiting long?" Awan asked as he put a helmet on my head. I shook my head. Then I got on the back of his motorcycle without saying anything. I looked away as we passed the intersection leading to Senja's house. I really had to try to detach myself from anything related to him. The speed of the motorcycle we were on slowed, then finally stopped at the southern end of Ngarsopuro street, on the sidewalk in front of an ice cream shop. "Ice cream?" Awan smiled. "I got some money earlier for answering a lecturer's question. Hehe.." I reached for Awan's hand, holding it. I could see surprise on his face for a moment. But then it quickly changed to a wide smile. Maybe he didn't expect me to hold his hand. This was indeed the first time I had initiated it. Usually, it was always him. ♫ It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance ♫ That song greeted us. I swallowed. Of all the songs, why that one? "Where would you like to sit?" asked the man who had opened the door and greeted us. We chose a seat near the window. I deliberately chose it, looking for a spot where I could gaze at a comforting view, like the stretch of downtown street outside the window. "They say eating sweet foods can stimulate the production of endorphins, the happiness hormone," Awan said after we finished placing our order. "You mean, you brought me here because I'm not happy?" I asked. Awan chuckled, not answering my question. He knew I was just teasing him. My phone vibrated. A text message came in. Ei: Ta, the kids said you were confronted by a girl earlier? Who? I read the newly arrived message from the notification list that appeared at the top of the phone screen, not yet intending to open it. I then placed the phone face down, then put on my best smile to welcome our ice cream order, which finally arrived. "Tutti frutti," Awan said, pushing a bowl of ice cream scoops towards me. "Thank youuu," I replied. Awan returned my smile before enjoying his Oreo Buster. Awan's phone, placed on the table, vibrated with an incoming call. With quickly he grabbed it, looking at the name on the call. "Uh, I'll take this call for a bit, okay?" he said, leaving me. I nodded, letting him go. One hand then put a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. The aroma of fruits and the cold sweetness entering my mouth, somehow brought a mixed feeling of discomfort in my chest. I thought it was just a fleeting feeling that would disappear after I ate more ice cream. But, in reality, no matter how much I ate, the discomfort only grew, becoming more and more unsettling. I released the spoon from my grip, then took a long breath and looked out the window. Stupid. I forgot that on that road, stretching outside the window, were my memories with Senja. So, what happened next was me being flooded by memories and a surge of unpleasant feelings. "Miss." I turned and found a box of tissues offered to me by the waiter who had brought our order earlier. I realized. I quickly took the tissues she offered and wiped away the tears that had unconsciously fallen. "Hahaha.. silly, right, Miss? Crying while eating ice cream. When I should be happy." I said. She just returned my smile, then left the tissue box on the table in front of me. I nodded and smiled, then cleaned up the remnants of my crying, hoping that when Awan returned, it would no longer be visible. *** The bedroom door was knocked on, then slowly opened from the outside after I gave permission. Mom entered the room with a smile on her face, then passed me, and sat on the bed. "What, Mom?" I asked, lowering the volume of the music player on my laptop. "Why ask like that? Am I not allowed to look at my own child?" I rolled my eyes, before then turning my chair back to the desk, returning to work on the practice problems in the book. But, because Mom then didn't say anything, I finally put down the pencil I had been using to work on the problems, and turned my chair back towards her. I was right, Mom was looking at me. "What is it, Mooom?" I asked the same thing. "What's wrong? Do you miss your prettiest child?" I joked with a small laugh. Mom smiled, gently patted her own thighs before standing up, coming over to me, then planting a light kiss on the top of my head. Mom then moved away, but stopped in front of the open bedroom window. "It's bright today. The orange color is so beautiful," Mom said, her eyes looking out the window. "Yeah," I replied without leaving my chair. Mom turned to me, looking at me strangely. As if saying that this was not the response she expected from me. "Aren't you going to see the sun off?" Mom asked. I shook my head, "I have a lot of homework right now. Hehe.." Mom looked at me, not saying anything, before then coming back to me and hugging me tightly. But, just like before, she didn't say anything. Just like that, before then leaving the room. The bedroom window was still open. I stared at it, lost in thought. A part of me really wanted to immediately walk over to it, then sit there and enjoy the afternoon as usual. But, another part of me knew what would happen if I did. Unfortunately, this part finally lost. I left my chair and the work I had actually just made up, walked towards the window, then sat there with my feet dangling as usual. As usual? I don't know. It didn't feel like usual. This time it felt painful. This time something was missing. "It's so bright today, not a single cloud," I whispered, not knowing to whom. ♫ I'm not gonna tell ya, I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no. I'm tryin' to get over, I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes ♫ The song played from the music player on my laptop, making me turn towards the desk. ♫ But I see shadows everywhere that I go. It's you, reminding me of how we were, of how it was. I see shadows, everywhere they follow. It's you and memories of how we loved ♫ I tilted my head back, hoping to prevent my tears from falling again. I shouldn't. I had decided, it shouldn't be like this. I had let go. I should also learn to forget. But how do you forget someone who has given you so many things to remember now? To be continued