Short Story: Rise to Return

“Ca, wait, Ca!” I shouted, breathless, after getting off the stage. There was no response, so I walked at a half-run. “Ca, stop, please…” I asked when I managed to block the path of a long-haired woman with shoulder-length hair in front of me. She stopped, looked into my eyes for a moment, then laughed. “Oh, Din, you must be mistaken again. This is Ida, Ica is sitting over there!” Alida, who usually went by Ida, pointed to a chair near the exit. My eyes followed the direction of Alida's finger. There, Ica sat, waving at me. I scratched my head, which wasn't itchy, letting out a dry laugh at my foolishness for the umpteenth time. Ida was Ica's twin sister. I made this mistake more and more often after Ica became prettier, just like her sister. I nodded slightly, then walked past Alida's two friends next to her, towards Ica. My steps were somewhat hindered by the crowd inside the convention hall. The graduation ceremony for the third-year students had just finished. I passed students taking photos with their families. But there were also groups of students taking photos with their gangs. My family had already gone home. After taking photos with me and Ica's family, they left quickly because they had something to take care of. Sweat had been soaking my clothes. The air conditioner in the building seemed unable to overcome the heat from the human bodies packed with various emotions inside. They, including me, must have fundamentally felt happy about graduating from high school. But there was also a hint of sadness at the thought of losing friends or someone we loved during school. Or perhaps there was a feeling of not being ready to face the competition of college and work life after this. “Are you tired?” Ica, whose full name was Alicia Wardhani, stood up and approached me when I was already near her. She took a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the sweat from my forehead. Our heights were almost the same, allowing my eyes to look straight into hers. I gazed at her round eyes, which always sparkled when she smiled, without blinking. I felt as if I couldn't bear to lose their owner. “A little.” I replied briefly. I lowered Ica's hand after enjoying her attention for a long time. It was nothing, really, but I felt too proud as a band member to appear overly pampered. One of the entertainments at this farewell event was a band performance from each third-year class. I was one of the band members from my class. Our band was also chosen to be the closing act. So I played with all my heart before letting go of the beautiful high school days. “Let's go home,” Ica requested, putting the handkerchief back into her pocket without any expression of offense from my earlier behavior. “Wait, Ca, I want to talk to you for a moment, okay?” I said without asking for her permission, immediately pulling Ica's hand towards the exit of the building. Walking through the crowd, Ica didn't protest and continued to follow my steps. Once outside, a gentle breeze caressed my straight, shoulder-length, dandruff-free hair. I looked around and found the way to our destination somewhat blocked by a group of students. We continued walking to the back of the building, and Ica remained silent. I dared to glance at her face, and a hint of anxiety crossed it; I knew she must have had a premonition about this. Several steps ahead of us, there was a small, clean, and neatly arranged garden. A lush tree, whose name I didn't know, shaded a quarter of the garden. The rhythmic gurgle of a fountain came from a small pond in one corner. The fragrant scent of various flowers around the garden indulged my olfactory nerves. There was nothing particularly special about that garden, except for the memories stored within it. This place witnessed me asking Ica to be my girlfriend. Unlike the scenarios of my many previous “proposals,” this one was completely unplanned. It all happened when we were both on the committee for the farewell event of the previous year's third-grade students. I stood on the stone pavement that separated the garden's lawn from the building. This view captivated me for a moment as the record of memories spun in my head. It all felt as beautiful as if it had just happened, and the day it occurred never saw a dusk that came to close it. There were no chairs available in this garden. I intended to sit on the stone floor. When my hand touched the rough surface of the stone, I felt a lot of dust coating it. I took off my black sneakers, which had faithfully accompanied me for three years, and now shifted their function from footwear to a sitting mat on the floor. Ica followed what I did and sat down, pulling both knees into her embrace. The second hand on my watch spun past the number 12 repeatedly, as if reluctant to stop for a moment. There was no sound between us. Only the faint sounds of the second-year student committee busy tidying up the stage could be heard. I took a deep breath, trying to gather strength. Ica looked down, focusing all her attention on the dry leaves falling in front of us. She seemed to be waiting and preparing for the consequences that were about to unfold. “I have to go,” I finally said, breaking the silence, “to Jakarta.” I spoke without looking at Ica. I tried to be a heartless person who could lightly utter words of farewell. But I couldn't. My voice trembled as I said it. Silence enveloped us again. There was no reaction from Ica. My gaze hadn't shifted from the watch tied resignedly to my hand. Its strap clung to the skin of my arm, the upper part appearing darker than the lower. “I've planned all of this,” I took a breath and continued, “and you probably already know about this from your family.” Silence returned. I waited for Ica's reaction. “I don't want to lose you.” Ica's first words since we sat there. She began to straighten her head. Fine tears began to wet her fair cheeks, without a single blemish. The wind blew again, rustling Ica's long black hair, which was tied in a ponytail. “I'm going to pursue my dreams, Ca. I want to make our families proud with what I'll use as capital to continue this relationship later. We can't keep going like this. What can be expected from my hobby now?” I explained at length, “and studying in Jakarta is my choice.” “But you really won't forget me?” Ica's eyes now looked deeply into mine, searching for an answer. I returned her gaze as sincerely as possible. Many changes had happened to Ica. The thick glasses that marked her as a bookworm were now replaced by a pair of beautiful contact lenses. The bangs that covered part of her forehead were gone. Her two-braid hairstyle was also replaced. But one thing hadn't changed. The sharp gaze that felt like it could read my heart. A gaze searching for the same answer as when I asked her to be my girlfriend. Inside, it seemed to say ‘Is what you're saying true?’ Without saying anything, I asked her to stand up and hugged her. My strong arms held her tightly as an answer to her question. Ica's tears wet my shoulder. I waited for her to calm down a bit and then released the embrace. My hands gripped her arms, and I looked at her tear-streaked face. The orange glow of the setting sun washed over Ica's beautiful face. The remaining tears seemed to sparkle. Her small red lips were choked, unwilling to speak. “Try to look at that reddish sun.” My voice was now firm, to be more convincing. “That sun will soon disappear and leave the moon alone with its captivating light. But that time won't be long; it will return with a new day, chasing its beloved moon, until the moon is willing to dim its light and lean into the sun's embrace.” Ica smiled, gazing at the setting sun. My smile widened too. I knew she understood and accepted my departure. I embraced her again and whispered, “I will be your sun .... ” ***** A red BMW 320i sedan glided calmly through the streets of Yogyakarta. I sat inside, smiling as I looked around. It had been almost a decade since I left this city, but not much had significantly changed. After successfully graduating from Computer Science at the University of Indonesia, I was offered a job at an international software company. Now I owned a small house in Jakarta, and my promise to Alicia had been fulfilled. My longing for Ica was unbearable. No photos, calls, or emails could cure it. We had indeed committed not to communicate with each other while I was in Jakarta. Because of that, the affection felt even deeper. The car stopped in front of a house that wasn't too large. A house with a strong traditional Javanese style, it looked very familiar. I used to visit this place very often, especially on Saturday nights. Alicia's parents knew me very well and approved of our relationship. The car engine was turned off, and I looked out. Unlike usual, there was a clear crowd inside and outside the house. Trying to shake off an uneasy feeling, I got out of the car. The white short-sleeved shirt and black fabric trousers I was wearing still looked clean. I hadn't changed these clothes since leaving Jakarta yesterday. I glanced at the car mirror to adjust my glasses. I tidied my short hair, though it wasn't really necessary. My steps halted in the front yard. The uneasy feeling returned when I saw yellow janur installed. Inside the room, there were also many chairs and reception tables. With an uncertain feeling, I dared to step further inside. There was a wedding dais where guests were congratulating the bride and groom. As I stepped closer, it became clear who the couple was, especially the bride. Suppressing a surge of disappointment in my chest, I turned around and quickly walked back to the car. I pressed the gas pedal and sped away from Alicia's family home. I still couldn't and didn't want to believe what I had seen. Everything happened so fast after ten years of waiting. There was nothing to think about now, except the car speeding towards a single destination. Arriving at an old, well-maintained building, the gate was already closed. Without thinking twice, I jumped over the gate, which wasn't too high. Fortunately, there was no barbed wire on top. It turned out my habit of skipping class by jumping the school fence still remained. Fast steps led me to the back of the building. My legs seemed unable to move further when I arrived at a place that was very familiar. This garden hadn't changed much, except for the tree whose name I still didn't know, which had grown lusher, shading half of the garden's area. The small pond with its gently gurgling fountain, and the blooming flowers along the garden's edge, were still well-maintained. My legs felt weak, and I instantly fell to my knees on the floor. Just like before, I took off my footwear, then slid it behind me to sit on. The reddish sun looked tired and wanted to go home to rest, to rise again in the morning, starting a new day for humanity. The fresh scent of grass and flowers began to calm my mind. Sweet memories flashed faster and faster before my eyes. Unconsciously, tears could no longer be held back. Something that hadn't come out during the farewell finally happened at a moment I had hoped would be perfect. I took off my glasses and put them in my pocket. I wiped the remaining drops with a handkerchief. In one corner, there was the initial A. Alicia, a name I could never forget. Whatever happened, I surrendered. My promise to become better had been fulfilled for Alicia. Now perhaps I could accept if I had to... Unbeknownst to me, someone walked from behind and gently touched my shoulder. I put my glasses back on and looked up to see her. “I knew you would come to this place,” said the woman who was now sitting beside me. She did the same thing. Took off her footwear, slid it behind her, and used it as a seat. “Thank you for coming to my sister's wedding reception.” Our gazes met. From behind my glasses, I saw the face I had always remembered for the past ten years. Ica was still the same, apart from her more mature demeanor. As for me, I was still repeating my carelessness by not being able to distinguish between Alicia and Alida. Ica's eyes continued to look deeply into mine. I felt awkward and scratched my head, which wasn't itchy. Her gaze now seemed to say ‘Is it true that you are my sun returning?’. I smiled happily and asked Ica to stand up. Glancing at the sun, which was already beginning to set, I held Ica's hand and led her away from the garden. Now I have become your sun, I will give you my light wholeheartedly, so that you shine, always shine, accompanying my days.