19 April 2003
8:30 PM WIB
Dear, my new diary!
I want to tell something to you.
When restlessness chains me.
I can no longer escape.
Is this what they call love?
Love for something virtual.
This story began when I answered a call from an unknown number.
“Hello, may I speak with Shinta?”
“Shinta? I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number,” I said curtly.
“Who are you, anyway?”
“And you?” I asked again.
“Just call me Prince. And you?”
“Just call me Little Girl,” I replied indifferently, then hung up.
Initially, I thought this person was strange. Does anyone still get wrong numbers these days? But gradually, we grew close. I often chatted with him over the phone. I named him “My Prince,” just as he had introduced himself.
03 May 2003
9:40 PM WIB
My diary, I'm growing closer to My Prince now. It seems I've fallen for him. A love that started with a wrong number, though its beauty isn't like love at first sight. Honestly, I've never even seen him in person. Truly, this love is blind.
10 May 2003
8:46 PM WIB
And now, after a long time of talking on the phone, this love has moved into the chatroom world. I can see My Prince's face, and he can see mine. Even though he never told me his name, I felt satisfied. After all, I never revealed my identity either.
20 January 2007
11:49 PM WIB
Now I have given my heart completely to him. I no longer need to ask who he is. He is My Prince. My Prince. I love him. Truly, deeply love him.
But now he has disappeared. Gone after I gave my heart completely to him. He never answered my calls again. Never replied to the text messages I sent. Never showed himself in the chatroom world again. All that remained was the image of his face, reigning on my computer monitor and on my mobile phone.
20 January 2007
1:15 AM WIB
Today, exactly three years after My Prince disappeared. But now he has reappeared. Disturbing every space within me. Erasing all the sorrow I felt in my heart. Yet, he still hasn't mentioned his name.
Dear, What’s wrong with me???
Yet now I have a boyfriend. His name is Arga. He loves me very much. We started dating a year ago. So, what should I do now? Should I choose My Prince, who is present yet absent, or Arga, who is clearly real?
Is My Prince real? He is My Prince. He only exists in dreams. And I am Little Girl. Do I also exist in his dreams?
******
Prince: Dear Little Girl, how are you today?
Little Girl: Good. I'm very good. And you?
Prince: I'm good too, sweetie. What are you doing?
Little Girl: Chatting with you.
Prince: Hahaha. You truly are My Little Girl.
Little Girl: How's your studies?
Prince: Smoothly, sweetie.
Little girl: Oh, I see! I'm going to sleep now, okay.
Prince: Ok, see you tomorrow, sweetie. Dream of me.
20 February 2007
11:38 PM WIB
Dear diary, I'm confused now. Between happy and sad. On one hand, I'm happy to have found my beloved again. But is he truly real?
I just chatted with him. But I couldn't see him! I want to know the look in his eyes. I want to know the expression on his face when he answers my questions. I want to know if he feels the same spark as I do?
Ah, if only I had a sixth sense. Unfortunately, I don't.
28 February 2007
10:31 PM WIB
Dear diary, I'm getting more confused. Between love and a lover. Honestly, I love him. I love My Prince, who is always present in the virtual space of my life. Who exists in my dreams.
Earlier, when we chatted, he asked, “Do you love me?”.
I was confused. What answer should I give him? Should I accept his love, or reject it because he isn't real?
What's clear now is that I'm caught between two choices. Between Arga, who is now my boyfriend, or My Prince, who exists in my dreams.
‘You have 1 new e-mail on your e-mail inbox’. That's what I saw when I checked my email, and I opened the incoming message.
1 March 2007
From: My prince
Subject: Dear My Little Girl, how are you today, darling? I hope you're doing well. Do you know how much I miss you?
Last night I dreamed of meeting you. You were so sweet. Your round face shone like a full moon. Your beautiful eyes and lovely lips made me lose myself. But when I woke up, I realized it was all just a dream. I want to meet you, My little girl!
1 March 2007
9:48 PM WIB
Dear diary, today he said he wants to meet me. To meet the Little Girl in his dreams. But where is he? In Jakarta or Surabaya? He never revealed his identity. His name, or his address. So, how can I have a relationship with someone who isn't real? I'm confused. God, please help!
3 March 2007
10:23 PM WIB
Today I met my boyfriend, Arga. And it seems he's already sensed my strange behavior lately. What's more, while I was with him, I received a message from My Prince.
Dear Little girl. What are you doing? Do you still remember me?
Sender: My Prince
“Who is that?”
“Nobody. Probably a wrong number.”
“No way!”
“But I don't know him!”
“Okay, then why is his name here?”
“It's a wrong number!” I insisted again.
My diary, I'm even more confused now. What should I tell Arga and My Prince?
1 May 2007
8:19 PM WIB
Dear diary, now I'm going to make a decision. I know that one of them will surely be hurt. But this is the best path I can offer to both of them. I have to choose one!
“Listen to your inner voice, Little Girl and my friend!”.
Okay, my friend, I will listen to your advice.
Dear, My beloved Prince! Today I have to tell you something. I have a boyfriend. Here, by my side. He is so real, adorning my heart, real within me.
It's not that my heart is closed to you. It's just that I don't know who you are. Now, it's better for me to choose something real, someone who is here with me, by my side. Forgive me, My Prince!
My hand clicked the send button moments after I reread the email.
2 May 2007
9:40 PM WIB
I have sent him a statement, friend. I have made my decision. I will forget him. Even though he might remain in my dreams until my old age.
I know this will hurt him. But what else can I do? I hope he can accept it and forget me.
On a bright morning, a week after I sent him that statement, a distant newspaper arrived at my house. As usual, I always read it every morning.
This morning, an intriguing headline was displayed there.
FAILED TO BUY TRAIN TICKET TO MEET HIS LOVER, A YOUNG MAN COMMITS SUICIDE.
10 May 2007
10:11 AM WIB
Dear diary, I discovered a bitter truth today. It turns out My Prince has passed away. Now I know his real name. Agustian Anggara Putra. He lived in Jakarta. He wanted to meet me, but because he couldn't get a plane ticket, he tragically committed suicide. There were no farewell words from him. I didn't even get a chance to apologize to him. I am so regretful. I disappointed him. He is probably in heaven now.
Forgive me, My Prince, may you rest peacefully in your long slumber, and I will make you a memory. A memory that will fill my days, from now until the end of my life. Farewell, My Prince!
1 July 2007
8:49 PM WIB
Dear diary, my heart truly aches today. Arga has hurt me. I chose him with all my conviction. Because of him, My Prince lost his life.
Today, I saw him chatting intimately with one of my friends. Without any shame, they declared that they were now a couple. They joked cheerfully in front of me.
Oh, how painful it is for my heart to accept the reality that has befallen me. After making a decision, being left by a virtual lover, and now betrayed by my real boyfriend. The one I chose by sacrificing the other. My heart aches so much!!!
I want to commit suicide. Maybe that would be better. I want to meet My Prince. Whether in heaven or hell. But I know that's not the best way. Dear, My Prince, please forgive me!
As I write this series of my stories today, the pages of my diary come to an end. This diary has faithfully accompanied me for the past four years. It began with falling in love on My Prince's first call, his disappearance, his return, the decision I made regarding him, and also the betrayal of the boyfriend I chose.
I threw the pen I had used to write in my diary all this time into the trash because it had run out of ink.
I am so tired. I want to lie down tonight.
I want to cry, to mourn all these decisions of mine. I regret it! Regret at the end of the story.
As usual, I left home at 8 AM, walking through the city streets towards my campus. For some reason, I had a very bad feeling today. That sense of regret colored my entire expression. I miss you, My Prince.
I don't know exactly when a car sped towards me. When it got close, I recognized it as Arga's car, my boyfriend who betrayed me. The car kept speeding and mercilessly struck my body.
I was stunned. And just before everything changed, I managed to see My Prince's sweet smile in the corner of my eye.