I lifted my head as I faintly heard Ms. Rini call my name. The anxiety enveloped me once more. I knew that whenever a teacher called me, it was always to ask about my assignments, which I never did. I could only hang my head in shame and rest my forehead back on my neatly folded hands on my classroom desk. I vaguely heard Ms. Rini speaking, but my mind had already begun to enter my dream world.
I was sitting on a mound of rocks. Beside me were two glasses of wine that looked incredibly delicious. I didn't know whose the other one was, but one was definitely mine. Lost in thought, I was startled by a pair of hands embracing me from behind. I remembered this scent so well. I had smelled this scent yesterday.
At that time, I was in a magnificent palace. I was accompanied by a beautiful princess. Her name was Juita. Juita was the daughter of a king, betrothed to me. I had won her hand because I had saved the kingdom from enemy attacks.
We were so intimate then. We spent time caressing each other until, without realizing it, I was woken up by Ms. Rini. Yes, Ms. Rini, who always disturbed my dreams.
My reverie was broken when Juita slowly turned her body to face me. I didn't know what was in my heart. What was clear was that I was incredibly happy to meet her again.
“I miss you,” a voice emerged from her thin, sweet lips.
“Me too.”
“Why do we rarely meet?”
I paused for a moment, racking my brain to answer her innocent question.
“Perhaps because our worlds are different.”
She looked down, and I saw the mountain breeze ruffle her straight, blonde hair. I enjoyed the sight, and I immediately hugged her and gently kissed her forehead.
She released my embrace. And I saw a warm smile on her face.
“But now we've met. Are you happy?”
I nodded and hugged her tightly again.
I didn't realize that the atmosphere around me had changed. We were flying through the sky on a magic carpet. Here and there, I saw the glitter of stars, and clearly visible in the bottom left corner was a beam of moonlight that grew dimmer and dimmer.
Juita was still in my arms. I stroked her blonde hair until, at one point, she turned her body and pointed to a very beautiful star. The star was emerald green, surrounded by tiny golden-yellow stars. I turned my face towards Juita, and we gazed at each other.
“That star is our star,” she said playfully.
“Yes, that star is ours. Isn't it beautiful?”
Juita nodded and rested her head on my shoulder.
Oh Juita
Truly you are Juita
You appear in my dreams
Erasing all my suffering
I want to always be with you
Reaching for the stars
Climbing the moon
Flying in fantasy
Oh Juita
I don't want to be separated
I want to be with you forever
Sometimes I feel afraid
I'm afraid to wake up
I want to get lost
Yes, lost in a dream
My dream is beautiful
My dream is real
Only I have it
And Juita
I observed the beautiful face before me. She was exquisite. Until, at one point, a strong wind blew, and Juita fell from the carpet. I panicked greatly then, and I tried to fight the wind, but it was no use, and I too fell, floating and swaying, buffeted by the powerful wind, until as I fell, I heard laughter all around.
“Well, well, well! Sleeping in class until you fall like that!”
I knew that voice well. Yes, Ms. Rini.
“That's why, if you're going to sleep, bring a pillow so you don't fall! Ha Ha Ha!!!”
I heard another voice from behind me.
Honestly, I was very annoyed. “How could they laugh at me!” I fumed inwardly.
The dismissal bell had rung. Without further ado, I immediately picked up my school bag and decided to go home. “I don't want to stay at school long, because Juita is waiting for me!” I exclaimed inwardly. I took off at a run towards the motorcycle parking lot and saw my big motorcycle waiting proudly.
Upon arriving home, I ignored my mom's nagging. I went straight to my room and lay down on my neatly made bed.
I wanted to close my eyes, but it was so hard to fall asleep. Maybe because I had slept too much in class. “I miss Juita,” I thought to myself. “I want to meet her in a dream.”
I woke up when I heard the Maghrib call to prayer from the mosque near my house. “Hmm, why didn't I dream at all?” I wondered.
When I was at school, I always dreamed of my dream princess, but why not at home? I regretted it. “Why did I decide to go home? I should have slept in class. Maybe now I would be with Juita.” I thought to myself.
I pulled my motorcycle out of its resting place. I kicked it to start, and a roar came from its exhaust.
I left home on my big motorcycle. I didn't know where I was going, but I just wanted to shake off my boredom.
Oh Juita
I want to be with you
Enjoying the blue of love
Crossing paradise
I will reach for the sky
I will cross the rainbow
I will bring you the morning star
To adorn this night
Amidst my uncertain thoughts, I unknowingly entered the school grounds. I saw the security guard at the post near the gate. I wanted to go straight to class, but I heard the security guard call me.
“Hey Jek, where are you off to?”
“Sorry, sir, I need to go to class, I left a book behind!” I said, mimicking the security guard's thick Betawi accent.
“Oh, but for school security, you're not allowed to go in!”
“Why not, sir?”
“Well, that's just how it is! Instead of going to class, why don't you keep me company and play chess! Want to?”
Damn it, the security guard wouldn't let me into class. I'd better go along with him for now, and then I'd figure out a way.
“Come on, let's set them up. Chess, chess!” The security guard said, arranging the chess pieces on the board.
We played for a long time, but I wasn't enjoying the game. Lazily, I picked up and moved chess pieces from one square to another.
“Juita, wait for me, I'll be there soon. We'll explore paradise together, enjoying the sky.”
Lost in thought, the security guard suddenly startled me.
“Checkmate!!! Where else can you go! Huh? You're done for, done for!!!”
I could only smile at the security guard's childish behavior.
“I need to go to the bathroom first, I'm really bursting! I might pee my pants again! But don't move anything, okay?!” The security guard said, hopping, then walked out of the post towards the bathroom.
I didn't waste this opportunity. I immediately ran towards the classroom. I climbed the stairs, then entered a pitch-dark room, only illuminated by the pale moonlight. Slowly, I opened the door, as I caught a glimpse of a black shadow in the corner of the school hallway. I wasn't scared! And I immediately sat at the second desk from the teacher's. I looked around me. “Hmm, it's very dark.” I felt watched by a pair of eyes from the corner of my classroom. “Ah, just let it be! Maybe it's just my imagination.”
A shiver ran down my spine as I faintly heard footsteps growing clearer and clearer in my ears. I didn't know if it was an illusion or real? I could only remain silent, bowing my head so I could quickly meet Juita.
My heart seemed to stop when I felt a gentle tap on my back. My blood tingled intensely, my nerves felt limp, and I could only tremble until those hands embraced my body. Slowly, the trembling disappeared, and I realized that the one embracing me was the figure I longed for. I couldn't fathom why Juita was here? But I ignored it! I turned and hugged that body.
“I miss you!” I said, gently stroking her blonde hair.
“Me too, why did we part so quickly?”
I couldn't answer; I could only gaze at and admire how beautiful Juita was tonight. She wore a pink dress that turned brown from the silver light outside, her hair was left loose, and the diamond necklace on her neck greatly enhanced her charm.
Juita pulled my hand out of the classroom.
“Don't! The security guard will catch us!” I said, half-shouting.
“Relax, darling, I just want to enjoy the beauty of the moonlight tonight with you.”
“But?” Before I could speak, she had dragged me out of the classroom. We stood by the railing in front of the class. “Beautiful, so beautiful tonight.” I embraced Juita. “I love you!” I heard that voice from her thin, sweet lips. “I love you too,” I replied.
We enjoyed this night together. Nothing disturbed us, only thousands of fireflies twinkling, adorning the beauty of this night.
“Hey dreamer, why are you here? You should be studying, because there's an exam soon, isn't there? Why are you wasting your time dreaming of something that's clearly not real!” I heard that voice from my inner self.
I was tired of hearing those words. I really wanted to cast away my inner voice that often argued with me. I didn't want to be commanded by it. I just wanted to do what I wanted. Like now, I wanted to be with the person I loved.
The beauty of this night. Erasing the dust that enveloped the heart. The full moon softly bowed in a pout, crimson orange adorned the rainbow, Decorating a beautiful night for two souls in blossoming love.
I was so happy tonight. We spent this night with radiant hearts. We thought of nothing but our love and happiness right now.
“BANG!”
I was startled and spontaneously woke up from my sleep.
“Hey naughty boy, it's still early in the morning like this, and you're already sound asleep in class, and not even wearing a uniform! Did you stay overnight at school?! Is that right?” I could only remain silent as the principal yelled and scolded me.
“I, I, I,”
“What other excuse do you have, huh? Now you stand in the field until school ends. Do it quickly!”
I was both scared and annoyed. I didn't expect that what I experienced with Juita last night was just a dream? Not reality? My legs walked weakly down step after step of the school stairs. I saw the principal following me from behind.
“Now you stand on one leg, and don't rest until I tell you to. Understand?”
I didn't respond to what the principal said. I just stood there and glared at him.
“Security guard! Watch him! Don't let him escape. Understand?” The principal shouted, and from the corner of the school hallway, I saw the security guard jogging, tightening his belt.
“Yes, sir!” he exclaimed, saluting the principal.
Annoyed, the principal turned and headed to his office, and I saw the security guard go to his post, carrying something.
“Come on, Jek, let's continue from last night!” he exclaimed, placing the chess board on a small table.
Second by second passed, minute by minute went by, bell after bell rang, I was still entertaining the security guard playing chess in the schoolyard. I didn't know what to do.
When the security guard was distracted, I took off at a run and sped away on my motorcycle as fast as I could. My motorcycle raged like a street demon. Hundreds of roads passed, thousands of alleys I crossed, until I turned my motorcycle towards a house with a green fence. At the front door, I saw my mother waiting.
“Mom!” I greeted warmly.
Anxiety appeared on Mom's somewhat weary face.
“Where have you been?”
“At a friend's house, Mom.”
“Why didn't you tell us? Everyone was worried, you know!”
“Sorry, Mom, I wanted to borrow a book, but no one was home at my friend's, so I ended up staying over with him.”
“But next time, ask for permission!”
“Okay, Mom!”
Mom guided me into the house.
“Aren't you going to school? General exams are on Monday, have you prepared yet?”
I didn't respond to Mom's words; I continued my steps and entered my peaceful sanctuary.
Second by second passed, hour by hour chimed, day by day went by.
I lived my days as usual, visiting my dream princess. I didn't care about general exams or anything else; all I cared about was Juita, yes, only Juita. Every night I always stayed overnight at school, and even while studying, I always met her. Yes, that's all I did, but I was happy! I didn't care what people said about me.
***
Today all students were anxious, because it was report card day. The entire school was filled with chatter, but I slumped on my classroom bench, waiting for a heavenly breeze that would carry me to my dream world.
I heard a gentle knock on my classroom door. There I saw Mom standing weakly and crying, holding my report card in both hands. Slowly, she came towards me.
“Darling, why are your report card grades so bad?”
I couldn't answer; I just looked up at Mom, who was approaching me.
“The teachers say all you do is sleep. Is that true?”
I could only remain silent, nodding my head.
“Mom is disappointed in you, darling! All this time, Mom has been bragging about you, but why have you changed so much now? What demon has possessed your soul, dear?”
I could only sit silently with an empty gaze, my eyes following Mom's footsteps as she ran out of the classroom.
I was torn between sadness and disappointment. I had never seen Mom this angry. I was so regretful! Mom was right; all this time, I had only been overshadowed by a false shadow that lulled me and made me drown.
In my heart, I resolved to forget Juita, my dream princess. But before I parted with her, I wanted to meet her one last time. Just once! Yes, just this once.
I rested my head on my desk, and in an instant, my soul floated into my dream realm.
I was on a very steep rocky mountain. In one corner, my eyes caught sight of a blonde-haired girl with her head bowed. “That must be Juita!” I hurried towards her and sat beside her.
“Are you crying?” I said, turning her face towards me.
I brushed away the hair covering her face and wiped the tears flowing from the corners of her lips.
“Do you want to part with me?” I heard that voice.
Actually, I really didn't want to part with her. I truly couldn't bear to see her cry. But I didn't want to disappoint Mom. I wanted to make Mom happy, and I realized that all of this was a mistake. But no matter what, I couldn't leave Juita. Only she could make me happy, only she could erase all sorrow, only she could make me feel so lost in bliss. Yes, I truly couldn't leave her.
“I won't leave you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I'm serious!”
Juita looked at me, she hugged me, and her tears spilled onto my chest.
“I want to always be with you!”
“I also!” I replied, holding back my tears.
“Then let's go now.”
“Where?”
“To my world!”
“What do you mean?”
“Yes, we will always be together in my world!”
I could only remain silent and nod.
We stood up, and Juita's hand held mine, and slowly and lovingly, she pulled my hand, and we flew down the rocky mountain. We were tossed and swayed by the very strong wind. And when we touched something, I woke up and still found Juita beside me.
“Finally, we're together forever.”
I didn't understand; I felt like this was all the same as before.
Faintly, I heard screams outside the classroom. I took Juita's hand and went out of the classroom.
“Someone committed suicide!”
“Why?”
“He didn't pass, so he killed himself!”
I heard those voices from every corner of the hallway. I was curious, who committed suicide!
Still holding Juita's hand, I descended the stairs that felt like they were floating under my feet. I ran through the crowd of people. In the field, I saw many people gathered around the person who had committed suicide.
“Who committed suicide!” I wondered.
My hand continued to hold Juita's hand. I saw a smile on Juita's face when I looked at her.
Slowly, the crowd parted. Before my eyes, health workers carried the figure covered in a white cloth. I was very curious, who committed suicide?! With a sense of wanting to know, I approached the stretcher and uncovered the cloth covering the corpse. And my heart felt like it stopped beating when I saw that the corpse was me with a blood-soaked head.