“Assalamualaikum, Mom, Mom, where are you!” A young man appeared, his face radiant, tall, and well-built. He wore black trousers and a white shirt, further highlighting his calm and optimistic demeanor. As he finished taking off his well-maintained black shoes, a middle-aged woman, still wearing a cooking apron, approached him. “Wa alaikumsalam, what’s with all the fuss, Tri, calling for me like that?” Tri immediately went to his mother and performed a respectful bow (sembah sungkem). His mother held Tri’s hand and told him to stand. Tri stood up and then hugged his mother, tears streaming down his face. Their heights were mismatched; Tri’s mother only reached his chin. “Alhamdulillah, Mom, I passed the SPMB and got accepted into my dream university,” “Then I am grateful too. Congratulations, my son!” Tri’s mother affectionately stroked her son’s head. “Oh, by the way, Mom, where’s Dad?” “It seems your father is in the garden!” Tri’s mother pointed her index finger towards the back of their modest house. Tri headed in the direction his mother indicated. He stood for a moment at the doorway, which opened onto a small 3x4 meter garden. He saw his father, still in his office uniform, sitting relaxed, facing the freshly watered plants. This was his father’s favorite moment. He loved gazing at the medicinal plants and fresh fruits after they had been watered. In his hand, he held a glass of coffee, with small wisps of steam still rising from it. He didn’t notice Tri’s presence beside him. His eyes were captivated by the beauty of the Jakarta afternoon sun, reflected by the water droplets. “Dad, I have good news for all of us.” Tri startled his father by grasping his father’s hand, which was already starting to wrinkle. Tri did the same thing he had done to his mother.
Previously, Tri was not as devoted a child as he was now. As the third of three siblings, with his two older sisters, he was very spoiled by his mother. His father, however, was the opposite; he wanted his only son to become a true and responsible man. He hoped that Tri could become the family's successor and the backbone who could elevate the family's status. His father constantly pushed Tri to study diligently so that his grades would be good in school and he would continue to attend public schools all the way through university. Understandably, their family was modest, so they could only afford public education. There was a significant age gap between him and his sisters. So, when Tri entered 10th grade, his second sister was already in her final semester of college. His eldest sister had already married a fellow doctor. Tri, who still desired freedom, felt pressured by all his father's demands. Tri was very lazy about studying; he still wanted to play a lot with his friends. Despite his laziness, he still managed to rank in the top ten in his class and advanced without any problems. Well, at most, he'd get a few red marks in religious studies and civics! At school, Tri had many friends, especially those who asked for his help with lessons. That was Tri's learning technique. He studied very little, but when he taught his friends, he immediately understood and never had to open the books again. Therefore, his father forced Tri to study even harder so that his grades could be maximized. Tri did not heed that advice; he was quite satisfied with his mediocre grades all this time.
Then came the beginning that almost ruined his future and took his father's life. He fell into drug use. This happened when he was studying with his friend Derry, who came from a wealthy family. As a result, he always got the illicit substances for free. But after he moved up to 11th grade, Derry and his parents moved abroad. Tri was confused about how to satisfy his addiction. Eventually, he became desperate and started stealing items from his own home to sell. Initially, no one knew about it. But after Tri's grades plummeted and his behavior became suspicious, Tri's father grew suspicious. Tri was then caught, and with his father's insistence, he was admitted to a rehabilitation center. Tri was very resentful of his father for treating him like trash. Even worse, like torn clothes that, instead of being mended, were thrown into the gutter….
That resentment finally faded after an unexpected morning encounter. “Who’s there?” Tri asked, his eyes dazzled by the light streaming in from his open bedroom door. He saw the person who entered close the door again and walk towards the window to open the curtains. “Tri, it’s already late morning, and you’re still sleeping!” the person finally said. Tri recognized the source of the voice. It became even clearer as the curtains opened, and the entire room was illuminated. “Oh, Sis, how are you, Sis, what brings you here?” Tri asked, lazily stretching on the bed. It turned out the visitor was Kak Eka, the only sibling Tri considered truly kind. Kak Eka lived in Jakarta with her husband, who was also an ophthalmologist.
“I’m fine, but Dad isn’t…” Kak Eka replied after sitting on the only chair in the room. “What happened, Sis?” Tri asked expressionlessly. “Last night,” Kak Eka paused for a moment to take a breath, trying to calm herself before saying, “Dad had an accident while driving a taxi last night….” Tri’s expression looked strange when he heard the news from his sister. His face seemed pleased rather than sad that his father had been in an accident. “Good! This is payback for how he’s treated me all this time!” Kak Eka appeared calm hearing Tri’s statement. She had surely known Tri would say something like that, given his current ignorance. “You shouldn’t say that; he’s your own father,” “Huh, father? What kind of father throws his own child into a rotten place like this!” Tri exclaimed, half-shouting. Kak Eka moved forward and embraced her emotionally overwhelmed brother. “If you only understood, Tri,” “Understood what?!” Tri interrupted. “Dad has always loved you very much,” Kak Eka continued, ignoring Tri’s struggles. “He worked day and night to pay for your rehabilitation here. He wants to see you recover quickly and become a good child again, like before. And he also regrets his attitude, which might have been too harsh towards you all this time.” It felt as if a bucket of cold water had just been poured over Tri from head to toe when Kak Eka released her embrace. Indeed, at that moment, Tri’s mind became cool and clear again, realizing everything that had happened. But he also felt ashamed of his ill feelings towards his own father. Tri was still in his stunned state when Kak Eka rose from her seat and gently stroked Tri’s hair. “I’m going home now. Don’t worry, Dad’s condition isn’t too serious. Remember, we all believe in you….” Hearing the word "father," Tri felt even more guilty and bowed his head deeply. When he straightened his head and wanted to utter a few words from his dry throat, all he found was the fading light disappearing from the closed door.
Tri got out of bed and now stood by the window. The window overlooked a garden with a crystal-clear fish pond in the middle. He saw a fish trying to jump out of the pond. After several attempts, the fish managed to get out of the pond and was now flopping around on the stone floor, whether in joy or regret. For several minutes, the fish continued to flop quickly, then slower, slower, weaker, and finally lay stiff and motionless. He thought of himself as that fish. Wanting to gain freedom from the pressures that confined him. But he didn't know if that freedom would lead to good or bad consequences. He increasingly remembered his father, who was strict in educating him towards the right path. It turned out that not all restrictions would have a bad outcome for someone. In fact, rules are intentionally made for the benefit of human life itself. Amidst the tears that slowly streamed down his cheeks, he swore to himself. “I promise I will be able to fulfill my family’s hopes, and I don’t want to be that dead fish!”…. *****
A young man with a firm stride walked along a narrow alley. His hair was neatly combed and slick, typical of an office worker. He wore only a white shirt covered by an unbuttoned black jacket. His lower half consisted of long black trousers complemented by shiny black work shoes. In his hand, he carried a medium-sized bag containing a suit, tie, laptop, and other work essentials. This was Tri, a young executive who had lived in Bandung for 7 years. As a graduate of one of the city's renowned universities, Tri had successfully become a financial manager, despite only working for three years. His legs began to feel tired when he saw a simple rented house standing right in front of him. This small house was where Tri had lived for the past three years or so. It wasn't by chance or inability that he lived in such a modest house, but he had a specific dream for the future. As he stepped onto the small porch of his house, he almost didn't notice someone who had been waiting there. He couldn't recognize the person in front of him yet. His vision was still blurry due to the rapid change in light intensity. “So, for three years, you’ve been hiding here, Tri….” Tri began to recognize the person in front of him. Besides the voice he knew so well, his vision was now clear. “Oh, Kak Eka, how did you know my address?” “I accidentally found a magazine with your profile in it. So, it’s hard for a successful young professional at a famous company to hide their whereabouts!” Tri had already unlocked the door and invited his beloved sister inside. Actually, he didn’t mind his family’s visit at all, because he was sure his dream would soon come true. “How are Mom and Dad, Sis? They’re not angry with me for these three years, are they?” “No, they’re not angry, but they miss their only mischievous son very much, especially Dad.” “Dad?…” Tri felt as if a sword had just pierced his chest. That worry overwhelmed him again. He was afraid of hurting his father’s feelings again. “Yes, Dad. You know he hasn’t been working for several years now. So maybe he wants to see the results of his work all this time. Or….” “Or what, Sis?” Tri pressed quickly. “Or he still feels like you’re angry with him.” A long sigh escaped Kak Eka, who still looked beautiful. Tri knew there must be something serious behind all this. But he still couldn’t go home now. “But I still can’t meet them until I’m truly successful. Oh, by the way, what would you like to drink, Sis?” Tri asked, trying to lighten the mood. “No need, I don’t have much time.” Kak Eka slipped her delicate hand into her shoulder bag to pull something out. She placed a piece of paper with the logo of a local airline on the table right under Tri’s nose. “I have to go to the airport now for a flight in a few minutes. But I’ve prepared a ticket for you for tomorrow’s flight.” Tri stared fixedly at the paper in front of him. He didn’t know what to do with it. “You absolutely have to come home as soon as possible; Dad is waiting for you!” Kak Eka said, already standing at the doorway. When Tri looked towards his sister, the door had already closed, and Kak Eka was no longer visible. He looked back at the plane ticket from Kak Eka. His hand reached for the paper and tore it into four pieces. “I’m sorry, Dad, I can’t come home now. Our dream will come true soon.”
Memories from 12 years ago flooded Tri’s mind. At that time, his father had taken him to his workplace. Tri sat in the car seat next to where his father was driving. His father worked as an office driver. That was the only skill he possessed. Nevertheless, he felt happy because it was enough to support his wife and three children, and even send them to college. “Now, son,” his father said to Tri. “Now you know what your father’s daily work is like. I don’t want you to end up like your low-educated father. But I want you to get a good job for yourself and your family in the future. Therefore, you must study hard and aim high. I promise to work hard until all my children finish their schooling!” Tri just nodded, not paying much attention. He was busy looking at the scenery on the left side of the road. Until the car stopped at a traffic light, and Tri’s eyes were drawn to a car showroom. “But I have one more dream, son; someday I want my own car,” his father said softly. But Tri heard it clearly enough. Tri turned to look at his father. It turned out his father was also looking at the car showroom, which was right next to where their car had stopped. His father’s gaze was distant and contemplative. It seemed he was looking far into an uncertain future. Tri looked down and said to himself, “I promise, Dad….” *****
The days leading up to Eid al-Fitr, approximately four months after Tri’s last meeting with Kak Eka, he had enough money to buy a car. He planned to buy a car at the place his father had once pointed out in Jakarta. “I hope the place hasn’t closed yet,” Tri muttered as he stepped out of Gambir Station. As a manager, he had visited Jakarta several times for business purposes. But this time was different. He felt like a middle schooler again, walking around with his father. On the city bus, he looked around at the same streets as 12 years ago. But many of the buildings along the roadside had changed. There were no more green belts, replaced by tall buildings. Worry began to creep in, wondering if the place was still there. When the city bus stopped at a traffic light, he looked to his left and saw the same showroom from his memories 12 years ago. He quickly got off before the light changed from yellow to green. He slightly lifted the brim of his hat to get a clearer view of the building in front of him. The showroom was now larger and nicer. Then, after being completely sure, he entered the place. Without delay, he immediately ordered a 2000 model Kijang car, just as his father had wanted. Since he wanted to pay in cash, he had to withdraw money from the bank first. Fortunately, the bank was located right next to the showroom. A few minutes later, he had withdrawn tens of millions of rupiah from his savings. “Dad, I succeeded in making your dream come true,” he whispered gratefully to himself. Tri received the envelope and was about to say thank you when he accidentally saw the name tag on the bank teller’s chest. “Indah Rosalia” was the name written there. His brain worked to recall the archive of names, but his heart detected it faster. It was like a small electric current when their gazes met. The beautiful face in front of him also showed an expression of disbelief, just like his own. “Indah, is that really you?” “Excuse me, perhaps I have the wrong person. Are you really Mas Tri Kusumo, my friend from high school?” Indah’s finger pointed to the name in the passbook. “Yes, it’s me, Tri, your friend. How are you in Jakarta, and are you still not….” “Hey, sir, if you want to flirt, don’t do it here; there’s a long queue!” an elderly woman behind Tri admonished. “It’s a long story; I’ll tell you later,” Indah explained briefly. Tri left the counter and apologized to the person who had reprimanded him. He sat on one of the long benches and occasionally glanced at Indah, who was working. Indah also gave him a sweet smile now and then. Indah’s face was very different now compared to 7 years ago. As for her beauty, that hadn’t changed a bit. But her aura now seemed brighter and full of optimism. Memories from 7 years ago flooded his mind. It was an unpleasant farewell after they graduated from high school. “I don’t want you to leave,” was the first sentence Indah uttered after half an hour of silence. They were in a corner of the school cafeteria. Tri sat opposite her, intently staring at a plate of siomay he hadn’t touched. “My decision is final to continue my education in Bandung,” Tri replied without looking into Indah’s eyes, which were already starting to well up. “But I love you….” “No, I can’t accept you if you haven’t followed my path. Goodbye.” Tri stood up and left Indah, still without looking into her eyes. He walked quickly out of the cafeteria. After a few steps, out of Indah’s sight, he stopped and turned back. From a distance, Indah was seen bowing her head and seemed to be crying. Tri couldn’t bear to see the person he loved crying, especially because of him. “I’m sorry, but I’m sticking to my principles until you free yourself from those illicit substances….”*
The short hand of the wall clock was almost touching four. Coinciding with that, Indah approached Tri, who was still waiting. “Do you live in Jakarta?” Indah asked after closing her bag. “No, I’m here to…” Tri immediately remembered his purpose in this city. He stood up and gestured for Indah to follow him. Fortunately, the showroom hadn’t closed yet. Tri approached the showroom manager, who looked bored waiting, toying with a set of keys. “Ah, I thought you were going to trick me,” the manager said when he saw Tri arrive. The manager recounted the money Tri handed over. After the deal, Tri received the car keys and documents. Tri looked at the new car, a gift for his father, which already had a license plate number. For the license plate, which usually takes several days, with a little extra money, everything happened very quickly. “You’re going home, right? How about I give you a ride?” Tri said when he saw Indah enter. Indah nodded slowly. They got in and sped off. Inside the car, the atmosphere was silent. No one dared to start a conversation first. Occasionally, Tri glanced at the rearview mirror to see Indah’s face. Everything was better than the last time they met, except for her gaze. Before, her eyes were so full of love for him; now, they were bland, nothing special. After a few minutes, Indah started talking. Even then, it was only to give directions to her house. She didn’t ask how he was or anything about him. It was as if there was an invisible veil between them. They arrived at Indah’s house. Indah lived with her mother, a widow. Tri was invited in and sat on the sofa. After a few minutes of waiting, an old woman approached him. Indah’s mother, who already knew Tri, greeted him warmly. Apparently, she only knew that Tri was studying in Bandung without knowing about their relationship. Tri chatted with Indah’s mother for a long time until Indah came, and he excused himself. Indah had now changed into casual clothes. Her clean white skin and long black hair made any outfit she wore even more beautiful. “I’m happy for your achievement as a financial manager in Bandung,” Indah said, opening the conversation after sitting on the sofa. ‘Ah, she must have found out from that damn magazine!’ he cursed inwardly. “Thanks, but more importantly, how have you been all this time? And are you still….” “It turns out you’re still the same, Tri, always prioritizing others over yourself,” Indah smiled, not looking at Tri at all. ‘Does she want to get back at me for how I treated her then?’ Tri wondered. “I’m not doing drugs anymore,” Indah continued. “It’s all because of you.” “Me? How so?” “Well, I tried to become what you wanted. I worked hard to free myself from the grip of those illicit substances. While constantly motivating myself that one day, the man I used to love would see me changed and come back.” Tri didn’t understand the word "used to." But all was answered when he saw a stack of wedding invitations on the table. He picked one up, which turned out to be a wedding invitation for Indah and a man he didn’t know. “That’s my wedding invitation with Rendy, a colleague from work,” Indah said after seeing Tri holding one of the invitations. For some reason, Tri didn’t feel jealous or displeased. Perhaps he was indeed the person Indah used to love, and now he had sincerely accepted Indah’s happiness with someone else. The even greater happiness was that Indah was no longer addicted, allowing her to live a normal life. “Oh, congratulations! But can I take one?” Indah now looked into Tri’s happy eyes and smiled. “Thanks, I’ll definitely come to this happy moment for my best friend. By the way, can I crash on this sofa for the night?” Tri asked in a pampered tone. “Oh, for a spoiled child like you, the chicken coop next door is more fitting!” They both burst into laughter. Tri enjoyed these moments. They were like two old friends who hadn’t seen each other in a long time. No resentment, no anger.
Tri was actually invited by Indah’s mother to sleep in the guest room. But he fell asleep due to exhaustion after helping write down the names of high school friends to be invited. Exactly at 2 AM, Tri’s cell phone rang. Tri woke up reluctantly, and just as he was about to answer, the battery died, and the call disconnected. Tri fell back into a deep sleep, not caring.* Children’s shouts inviting for sahur woke him up. He woke with an uneasy feeling. “What’s wrong? Something feels off. Ah, maybe it’s just a feeling.” When the morning sun was already quite high, Tri said goodbye to Indah and her mother. He promised to meet Indah to help prepare for the wedding after returning from Solo. On the journey, he was grateful not to encounter any significant obstacles, despite the Pantura route he took being jammed in the days leading up to Eid al-Fitr. A journey that normally took 12 hours could stretch to over 18 hours. While resting to refuel in Cirebon, he found his phone inactive because its battery was dead. He had forgotten to charge it before leaving. Feeling that he didn’t want to be disturbed, he put it back in his pocket. Just after the dawn prayer, Tri’s car entered the city of Solo. It was still an hour’s drive to his parents’ house. “Dad will surely be happy to see what I’ve brought.” The early morning sun slowly but surely managed to illuminate the city, which was ready for activity. Tri’s car arrived in front of the old house, a legacy from his grandparents. He walked casually towards the front door and saw Tri’s mother emerge from inside. A smile appeared on her weary face when she saw Tri arrive. Tri immediately hugged his mother and asked where his father was. But his mother didn’t answer; instead, she turned her face towards Kak Eka, who appeared in the living room with her twins, Fika and Fiko. Tri hugged Kak Eka and his two adorable nieces and nephews. “Kak Eka, where’s Dad?” Tri asked again. Kak Eka froze, speechless. She and his mother exchanged silent glances. “Oh, Uncle Tri is weird, Grandpa is already…” Fika’s words were cut short when Kak Eka told her child to be quiet. Tri felt something amiss among them all. He walked around the house looking for his father. But when he looked into his father’s room, which he had last seen 5 years ago, a change had occurred there. The room was empty of furniture. His father’s clothes and all personal belongings were nowhere to be seen in any corner of the room. Tri began to feel uneasy. Kak Eka appeared behind him and gestured for him to follow. Tri followed his sister without protest. He walked out of the house, and after ten minutes, Kak Eka stopped in front of a public cemetery. Tri couldn’t believe what Kak Eka implied, but he tried to understand. Spontaneously, Tri ran to the center of the cemetery complex. He stopped and shouted to Kak Eka, who was still far behind. “Where, Sis?!” Kak Eka pointed in one direction, and Tri headed there. His heart felt like it was in his throat as he saw a tombstone bearing his father’s name. He knelt, and the tears he could no longer hold back immediately flooded out. All was too late. No more father's love. Trying to challenge the sun's affection, all the pain and giving unrequited. For an hour, Kak Eka waited for Tri, who was crying and praying over his father’s grave. As the day grew hot, Kak Eka touched Tri’s shoulder, inviting him to come home. Tri complied with his sister’s invitation. Wiping tears from his cheeks, Tri began to stand up. “Oh, wait, Sis!” Tri stopped his sister as she began to walk. Tri knelt again at the edge of his father’s grave. He took something out of his pocket. He took one of the spare car keys, which was meant as a gift for his father. He held the key and whispered in his hand. “Dad, forgive me for not having had the chance to repay your love. May Allah reward your invaluable kindness.” Tri made a small opening in the grave soil. Then he buried the key deep within.