After Fajr prayer, Vidia hung her prayer veil and placed her prayer mat on the bed. Then she opened her closet, filled with books – novels, comics, college textbooks, and other Islamic books. For the past year, Vidia had diligently reformed herself by reading various Islamic-themed materials. Ever since the incident that befell her, she had realized that what she had been doing all this time was wrong. Vidia could only regret her actions and all her foolishness, continuously seeking Allah's forgiveness without end, hoping that Allah would forgive her.
Before opening and reading the book she had taken, she stepped in front of the mirror. And there she saw herself, who now, Insha Allah, was gradually undergoing a transformation, wrapped in her favorite purple hijab, a gift from her Mother three years ago that she had never touched back then, but now everything had changed. And it all started with...
***
“Allah doesn't love you, Mom. Look at the proof, you're paralyzed, and not just for a month or a year or two, Mom, but you've been paralyzed since birth. Why do you always remain grateful to Allah?” Vidia shouted loudly, startling her Mother who was folding her prayer veil.
As soon as she finished the Asr prayer, Mother immediately sought forgiveness from Allah, not expecting that the child she had raised with full Islamic teachings could speak like that to her, especially to her Creator, Allah azza wa jalla. At that very moment, tears were seen rolling down Mother's eyelids.
“Vidia, my child, why can you speak like that, my dear? Seek forgiveness from Allah... don't let Allah punish you later. Mother doesn't understand why you can speak like that. Allah never ceases to love His creations. Even for those invisible to the eye, like germs and bacteria, Allah loves them dearly, and they accept their roles, even if some are good and some are not for humans. Yet, bacteria and germs remain grateful despite being created that way, my child.
It's the same with humans. Allah loves us dearly, even though some of us are grateful for His blessings and some are not thankful to Him at all. But Allah never sleeps; He continuously grants His guidance because Allah always loves us. So never doubt that, Vidia,
Mother begs you, do not repeat your words like that again. Mother begs you, my child,” Mother explained, accompanied by her sobs.
Mother feared Allah would be angry with Vidia. And that was the first time Vidia saw her Mother cry in front of her. Her Mother cried because of Allah.
Vidia was touched. But Vidia still refused to understand. A million questions still churned and remained in her heart. Precisely because of that, precisely because her Mother was always grateful to Him, Vidia began to doubt God's love. Vidia still didn't understand why Allah had destined her to be that way.
Until all those questions were answered by a friend Vidia had just learned was also paralyzed. Suddenly, a disease attacked both her legs; now she couldn't walk properly. Yet, she could still smile.
Vidia was deeply moved at that moment, when they all visited Alisya in the hospital and saw Alisya helpless, lying weakly on her bed. But there was not the slightest trace of sadness on her face; in fact, when the Asr call to prayer echoed, she asked them to help her to the bathroom and assist her in performing ablution. Subhanallah, at that very moment, Vidia immediately cried, remembering her paralyzed Mother and how she managed to perform ablution without her and her father's help.
Her father worked from morning and only returned home when the sun was about to set, while she herself never wanted to come home quickly; only after Asr was over would she return home. She became sad remembering it, remembering all her behaviors that had disappointed her Mother, but what did her Mother do?.
Not the slightest regret was shown by Mother towards her for giving birth to a disobedient child; not the slightest sadness was on her face until that day Vidia spoke harshly to her, causing Mother to finally shed tears in front of Vidia, yet still with full gentleness, Mother advised her.
At that very moment, Vidia immediately asked permission to go home early from the teacher, Alisya, and the other friends. After Alisya said thank you, Alisya still managed to speak to Vidia, saying, "May Allah always grant safety to Vidia." Vidia immediately froze, her body feeling stiff.
Subhanallah, how greatly Allah was praised, even though she knew she had just suffered paralysis, yet she remained grateful and always praised her Lord. As for herself, she had never once offered a prayer to her Lord for her safety. For the umpteenth time, Vidia was deeply moved; she wanted to rush home and meet her Mother, then help her Mother perform ablution so she could pray Asr together with her. Vidia wanted to do that.
***
Upon arriving in front of her house, Vidia was confused by a crowd of people gathered there. Various thoughts began to weigh on her: What was this? What had actually happened? When she reached her front door, she saw her father had come home early and was crying. What was this? Why was Father crying? She immediately approached him.
“Father, what's wrong? Why are you crying?” Father couldn't answer immediately; she only received an embrace.
Father stifled his sobs on her shoulder. Vidia truly didn't understand, and she immediately thought of her Mother.
“Father, where is Mother? Why are so many people gathered here? Has something happened to Mother?” Her father didn't budge. There was still no answer from his lips.
A neighbor approached her; he was a relative of Father's,
“Be strong, Vidia. Your Mother is being bathed now; after that, you can see her again,” he explained.
Bathed? Now her confusion was clear.
At that very moment, tears immediately flowed again from her eyelids. Her sadness was now incredibly profound, a reality she had to accept. Was there not even a small word of farewell for her?
Wouldn't her Mother wait for her just a moment so she could arrive home first and perform the Asr prayer together in congregation? Wouldn't Allah grant her the chance to apologize to her Mother, even if only for the last time?
Vidia was sad, truly sad. She wanted to scream to Allah, she wanted to ask for justice for herself who regretted her actions. She wanted, even just once, to help her Mother perform ablution. Vidia was very sad to find all this, but then she remembered her Mother's words from that time, which touched her but whose meaning she still couldn't fully grasp.
“When the time comes, everything will surely return to Him, so we must accept it sincerely and with an open heart. Do not grieve over something we already knew beforehand, because it existed even before we were born into this world – that which is decreed, namely destiny. The destiny of a person's life, the destiny a person will receive in this world, whether one is disabled or not when born, or the destiny of one's death. So we must remain patient in accepting it, be sincere, and always put our trust in Him, so that Allah can grant us the best destiny.”
Thump, Destiny. Remembering that, Vidia immediately cried again for the umpteenth time, but this time her tears were not of sadness, but of regret for all her mistakes. Now Vidia understood its meaning, the meaning of all her Mother's words at that time.
At that very moment, Vidia immediately stood up and walked towards the bathroom, without saying anything to her father. Her father and the people in Vidia's house were surprised to see her, but they understood. Vidia immediately performed ablution; she remembered she still hadn't performed the Asr prayer. Perhaps this was the first prayer that she would never forget this day – a prayer she truly directed to Ilahi Rabbi, not just a prayer her parents told her to do and performed half-heartedly. After finishing, there would be no prayers offered, but this time Vidia was aware, and she wanted to speak and pray to Allah. She wanted to pray for both her parents, especially for her Mother, who never tired of praying for her and advising her for her own good.
After finishing the prayer, Vidia immediately prayed and sought forgiveness for all her mistakes, hoping that Allah and her Mother would forgive her. Vidia wished she could go directly to her Mother, hug her, and listen to all her advice again, but now it was impossible for her. There would be no more hugs, no more advice coming from her Mother's lips. Now her Mother was gone; Mother had departed forever.
Vidia could only cry, remembering everything. Remembering all her time with Mother, which now could never happen again. In the silence of her prayer, Vidia unknowingly fell into a deep sleep, still wrapped in the prayer veil clinging to her body. Vidia was tired from this day.
***
“Vi, Vidia, wake up, dear, it's time for Fajr prayer now. You might be late facing Allah, you know. Come on, let's pray together in congregation,” someone was waking her up and gently shaking her body.
Vidia immediately woke up; her Mother was waking her. As on usual days, her Mother was always patient in waking her and inviting her to pray together. Now Vidia found her Mother wearing a clean white prayer veil. And for some reason, unlike usual days, Vidia immediately got up without laziness and wanted to perform the Fajr prayer together.
After finishing, driven by some feeling, she immediately hugged her Mother and apologized. Her Mother immediately returned the embrace and stroked her head with full affection. At that very moment, a feeling of relief spread throughout Vidia's body. She cried emotionally in her Mother's embrace and didn't want to let go.
***
“Vi, Vidia, wake up, dear?” Vidia was startled; her father was now in front of her, waking her up.
Then, she immediately looked around; it was empty, no one was there. She wanted to see her Mother, but she wasn't there.
“Father, where is Mother?” Vidia asked, realizing that her Mother was no longer beside her, her Mother had released her embrace.
Her father could only look at Vidia with sadness but remained strong in front of her.
“Mother is no longer here, Vidia. Mother has returned to Allah. Be patient, Vidia,” Father explained calmly.
Vidia immediately understood. At that very moment, she tried to process the entire situation. She remembered that she had been asleep; perhaps Mother had come to her directly in a dream as a final farewell. Vidia immediately smiled in front of her Father.
“Father, please forgive Vidia, Dad. If all this time Vidia has made many mistakes with you, and just now when Vidia was asleep, Mother came into Vidia's dream, Dad. Mother hugged Vidia with full affection, and now Vidia realizes that Mother has gone, but Mother will always remain in our hearts, Dad,” she replied with full sincerity. She realized that this was indeed destiny, destiny from the Almighty, and Vidia felt relieved because she had apologized and hugged her Mother, even if only in a dream, but to her, it all felt real. Mother came to her in an embrace of love.
***
Editor: Putri Istiqomah Priyatna