I don't know if there are parties who misunderstand and stigmatize me negatively, but what's clear is that I have to face this negative stigma alone. - "You'll end up insane because there's a relative on your father's side who is insane; he whispered that your mother was naughty, your mother was evil when I was little (which I myself don't really know the truth about)" - "You won't find a partner or get married as long as you can't keep people's secrets, whether good or bad (I don't care anymore anyway, I'll end up at number 1)" - The phrase "Enjoying being lazy, on holiday," I don't like it.
- feeling lonely and often crying alone - "Semester 3 will be quick, only 1 week of preparation; the hard part is finding a company. Don't think it will be easy; what company would want its shame exposed?" ..... aaah, I'm doomed; my hope of finding a way has also vanished. I hope I don't have to bear the shame. - "Seminars aren't just games; you have to do this and that" (this almost made me burst into tears when attending a spiritual retreat in Puncak; why do I have to be like other people?) - Belittlement and almost zero hope.
I had to cry and beg to go to college while listening to complaints like "It's hard and difficult to earn money" and being compared. Okay, I understand you all? It's only one-way communication, and I'm always the victim. I was even laughed at by my father and my mother's younger sibling until I was startled and woke up from a deep sleep. When I told her about LIA, my mother belittled me, the person who should have given me support and been a role model for me.
"Are you even going to pass? Is it wrong for me to want to be happy? I was once told to be a small fish in the ocean, but still, I can't survive alone... T.T