Let's call her Teh Cucun. People in Jakarta might call her Tante Cucun. She is a street food vendor at a corner of the main road in Kampung Babakan Karet. Karedok is one of Teh Cucun's specialties. Many customers say that the karedok at Teh Cucun's stall is delicious because her spice blend is made from natural ingredients.
One scorching afternoon, I stopped by Teh Cucun's stall. As usual, I ordered karedok. But Teh Cucun was acting strangely that day. I couldn't believe her peculiar behavior. Let me explain: a customer named Kang Masna ordered karedok. I was enjoying my meal and overheard their conversation, which took place not far from my table.
“Oh dear...oh dear...oh dear! Kang Masna, what would you like to order, Kang?” Teh Cucun asked in a friendly tone.
”Two portions of karedok, Teh!”
”Large portion or small portion, Kang?”
”One large portion, one small portion.”
”With chili?”
”Yes.”
”How many chilies?”
”5 for the large portion, 3 for the small portion.”
Teh Cucun had already asked 4 questions, and Kang Masna had provided the answers for his order. Yet, Teh Cucun still hadn't moved to start preparing it.
”With water spinach?”
”Yes.”
”With pumpkin?”
”Of course.”
”With cabbage?”
”Definitely.”
”Do you want authentic Japanese or Chinese cabbage?” I choked upon hearing Teh Cucun's question.
“Are there really Japanese and Chinese cabbages?” I grumbled to myself.
I noticed Kang Masna's face was already red.
”Ugh...!!! Whatever you want, Teh!”
”With peanuts?”
”Yes...!!! Annoying...!!!”
”Do you want the peanuts pounded or blended?”
”Just fry them finely, Teh Cucun !!!”
”With onions?”
”Yes, Teh!” Kang Masna was almost losing his temper responding to Teh Cucun's relentless questions.
”For the onions, do you want bombay, fried, shallots, garlic, or spring onions?”
”Whatever you want, Teh!” Now, it wasn't just me paying attention to the strange conversation; almost all the customers were captivated by the vendor's relentless questions about her customer's order.
”Do you want the peanuts fried with oil, Kang?”
”Yes, Teh!”
”Do you want margarine or coconut oil?”
This time, Kang Masna's frustration could no longer be tolerated. He felt Teh Cucun was toying with him. With a flushed face, he yelled, ”Just give me used cooking oil!”
With the elegant demeanor of a flight attendant, Teh Cucun approached Kang Masna and showed him a paper with his order written on it. ”Thank you, Kang Masna, your order has been received. But I apologize, it cannot be fulfilled at this time.”
”Are you trying to play games with me, Teh? Don't mess with me, Teh! I'm a thug from Babakan Karet!”
”My sincerest apologies again, Kang.” Teh Cucun gave a mischievous smile.
”You've asked me this and that! All these questions! Why haven't you made it yet?”
”That's the problem, Kang. We're out of used cooking oil!” All the customers, including me, burst into laughter upon hearing Teh Cucun's last remark.