Twilight's Promise

I have walked this path. Full of sharp pebbles that pierce my feet. I pay no mind to the wounds, pain is no obstacle. I have left everything far behind. Far, so very far. Yet I still cannot leave you, you who are always in my thoughts. My thoughts of everything… Your bursts of laughter, your sweet smile, your tender breath, and all that we've been through. Now I feel this journey has been in vain. If I can't find another end to it all. You are always present, accompanying me in the suffocating silence of the nights that come. I cannot erase everything. The promise to spend our days together. The promise when night embraced and left the dusk. Do you remember? Remind me of the night you first kissed my cheek. Remind me of when you spoke your feelings in beautiful poetry, or with the tender tones of a lover. Remind me of when you dreamt of us beneath that waterfall. Remind me of the nights we spent together. Beneath the dim glow of the moon, and the twinkling of the stars. Remind me of everything. Remind me! So that everything becomes eternal… Eternal as a love that was never stained. Unstained? Huh! Just sweet words. So many stains have been created by this love. So many tears have been shed, so many wounds have gaped open, so much hatred has piled up. But is all that wrong? While those promises are still eternally remembered in the locked cabinet of my heart? And no one can replace or even disturb them? While all hope never recedes like ocean waves, which know no weariness? While day by day, the feeling of wanting slowly turns into a feeling of needing? While day by day, this longing becomes more unbearable? What more must I do to convince your heart? Thousands of words I have woven, knowing no shame, let alone self-respect. Thousands of prayers I have offered for your presence. Thousands of times I have screamed your name in unbearable agony. But you are no longer in the same place. No longer seeing me, not even a glance. No longer hearing me, not even a word. No longer answering, even when I've screamed. Unwilling to feel, even when I've touched. I hate myself. I hate this heart imprisoned in the pain of dreams about that twilight promise. How foolish I am not to understand. To understand the many things you have chosen in your life. Not understanding a heart that cannot erase all the dreams, the dreams that for you were just a fleeting stop. I hate everything… I hate myself for not being able to hate you… I hate the dreams we wove together. Angry at the sky that brought us together in the beauty of love. Let it be, let everything become a wait that will end, who knows when… I will remain here… Here, waiting for you to return to the promise at dusk. Kediri March 04, 2017