Reality vs. Idealism in Marriage for a Visually Impaired Individual

Apologies, apologies, the title of this article might seem unimportant, but it often occurs in the real lives of people from generation to generation. There is much wisdom in the realities we experience if we are willing to acknowledge it. There is a story of a 26-year-old visually impaired man discussing with his mother in the living room while listening to Koes Plus songs on a radio station via the FM radio app on his old phone. Although not accompanied by bread and a cup of warm tea or coffee on the table, as the visually impaired man and his mother were observing the Monday-Thursday sunnah fasts, the discussion between mother and son still took place. Despite hunger and thirst attacking their throats, their spirits remained undeterred. The visually impaired man began to speak to his mother: "Mom, it turns out that in the married lives of people with visual impairments like me, it's the same as for those with sight, isn't it, Mom?" His mother replied: "Of course it is, son. You, your visually impaired friends, and your sighted friends are all just like us, son. What are you talking about?" The visually impaired man replied: "It's like this, Mom, I've heard stories from my visually impaired friends. They talk about marriage, some have sighted partners, and some of my friends have partners who are also visually impaired." His mother asked again: "So, what's the big question mark in your heart, son?" The visually impaired man fell silent for a moment. Taking a breath, he tried to express what was on his mind. Minute by minute, second by second, until the clock hands showed 10:00 AM, the visually impaired man finally answered his mother's question. Strangely, the answer was both a question and a statement. The visually impaired man said: "Mom, ... All this time I've heard stories from those who have partners, whether both are visually impaired or one of them can see. On average, these partners are single (never married). I haven't heard any news of their partners being widowers or widows/divorcees. Do you think there are any, Mom?" His mother smiled as she answered her son's question: "Son, ... Of course there are, son. Hold on, son, Mom wants to say something. You once told me that one of your visually impaired friends became a widower. Don't you remember your story from before the Eid al-Fitr gathering years ago?" "Yes, Mom, ... I told you a few years ago. There is indeed a friend who is a widower, and he's also visually impaired, even though he's a teacher, Mom." The visually impaired man replied. "Well, there you go, son, it's the same. Just trust your mother. Whoever they are, whether visually impaired, physically disabled, or anything else, when it comes to partners, whether their status is single (never married) or widower/widow/divorcee, everything has been determined by Allah, son." his mother interjected. "What else, son?" His mother asked again. "There is, Mom." The visually impaired man replied. "It's like this, Mom. From a few years ago until now, I've asked my visually impaired friends about their ideals. The answers vary; some want a sighted partner, but others want a visually impaired partner. Praise be to Allah, some have had all their wishes fulfilled, while others haven't. That's just life." The visually impaired man recounted the ideals or desires of his visually impaired friends, whether they wanted a sighted partner or a visually impaired one. The visually impaired man continued his story: "There's also something else, Mom. Some visually impaired people wish for partners, whether physically complete or with disabilities, and on average, they are all single (never married), aren't they, Mom? I'm just puzzled, Mom." His mother replied with a smile: "Ha, ... ha, ... I feel like your story is really focused on that, son? What are you so puzzled about? Listen, son, don't be surprised if all your friends marry someone who is single (never married). Enough, son... Don't be surprised again." the mother told the visually impaired man. The visually impaired man and his mother fell silent for a moment, but the clock hands kept moving. Until one day, the visually impaired son gave his opinion to his mother: "Mom, ... Forgive me if this opinion surprises you. It's like this, Mom, I've heard news about visually impaired widowers and even heard directly from them. It seems that if men become widowers, especially visually impaired ones, they are resilient. The difficult part is if a visually impaired man has a wife who is a widow/divorcee, especially if she is also visually impaired, Mom." His mother asked: "What's your reason, son? Why do you say that?" The visually impaired man replied, adjusting his sitting position and taking a long breath: "Mom, a widow/divorcee comes with many temptations, especially if she has a beautiful face, is still young, and her figure is even described as 'stunning' by people. Surely many men are smitten with her. What's more extreme, Mom, some men will do anything to get that widow/divorcee, Mom, regardless of age, as long as they can get her. Oh yes, I remember a line from some songs on the radio that goes like this: 'If I can't get the virgin, I'll wait for the widow/divorcee.' There's also a line like this: 'I'll wait for your widow/divorcee,' and then... 'Even if she's 'used', I'll wait for the widow/divorcee.'" His mother sighed deeply and said: "Hmm, ... It's true, son, when it comes to widows/divorcees, it's endless, especially since many like them. Honestly, ... the status of a widow/divorcee, especially a beautiful one, whether disabled or not, it's all the same. In fact, the challenges are double." "Exactly, ... that's what I mean, Mom. The challenges are extraordinary, Mom, there's one question. Are there any visually impaired men with widows/divorcees?" His mother replied: "Oh, oh, oh, yes there are... what do you mean?" The visually impaired man answered his mother's question for the umpteenth time: "Well, ... I hope some of my friends can marry widows/divorcees, if there are indeed those who like them. Because if a visually impaired man marries a widow/divorcee, especially a beautiful, visually impaired, still-fresh one, wow, he would have to fight tooth and nail to get that widow/divorcee. Goodness gracious... the challenges are truly immense if you marry a widow/divorcee. Already facing gossip from people, not to mention other challenges." His mother responded to her son's statement: "That's right, son. But there are also flirtatious widows/divorcees, you know." Immediately, the visually impaired man was startled and said: "Huh? ... God forbid, ... I remember a book reading event whose story was about a widow who was 'like that'. My God! We seek refuge in Allah from that... I hope we don't experience something like that." His mother affirmed her son's prayer: "Amen... O Lord of the Worlds." #PeacefulGreetings Kotagede, Ramadan 1441 Hijri.