IF ONLY SHE KNEW

Andira was a woman with a ready smile, friendly, kind-hearted, and beautiful. Many people liked her personality. Even the teachers always praised her at every opportunity. Indeed, Andira was a woman worthy of praise. Not only beautiful and kind, but she was also intelligent. It was no wonder many boys approached her, hoping to become her boyfriend. However, all the boys who approached her were always rejected, whether they were smart, handsome, or wealthy. That made me wonder and worry, in case I would be rejected too. This morning, as usual, I sat in front of the small shop across from the school gate. My only purpose was to await Andira's arrival. As usual, she was dropped off by her older brother on a motorcycle. Andira never changed; she always looked beautiful even when wearing a helmet. Her beauty radiated from every part of her. Whatever she wore always looked good and suited her in my eyes. “What would you like to buy, dear?” the shop owner asked me, as I was indeed sitting in front of her stall. “Yes, ma'am, I want to buy a helmet,” I replied spontaneously. “What, dear?” the shop owner asked, surprised. “Oh, I mean, I want to buy Andira's helmet. Uh, no, I mean, I want to have a girlfriend.” I became awkward because my attention was completely absorbed by Andira's aura as she had just gotten off the motorcycle and was taking off her helmet. “It's too early in the morning to be rambling, dear. Go to school first, then think about girlfriends,” the shop owner grumbled while serving customers. “You still ask your parents for money just to buy meatballs; how are you going to feed someone's child with leaves?” she continued. But I didn't respond to the shop owner's nagging at all, not even a nod; my eyes were fixed on every step and movement Andira made. So annoyed, the shop owner yelled at me and tapped a pot with a spatula right next to my ear. *tung, tung, tung, tung*. “Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, ma'am!” I exclaimed, startled, covering both my ears, and immediately ran from the shop towards the school gate. “That's why next time, prepare some capital first, then you can look at girls, don't just want to sit around here for free!” the shop owner yelled at me as I crossed the street. Break time arrived, and Andira quickly tidied her belongings and hurried out for lunch. This was the perfect time. I had to act immediately to put my plan into motion. I quickly walked to Andira's desk to slip a letter under it. Slowly but surely, I kept moving closer to Andira's desk. Once I reached the desk, I immediately slipped the letter under it. “Eh, what's this?” I exclaimed, surprised. I reached under the desk and found a pile of many letters, already dusty. I was very surprised. So, it turned out many boys had put love letters under this desk, but not a single one had been read. Week after week passed, and Andira never replied, or even read my letter. Questions began to arise in my heart: Could she be falling in love? Like what I felt. Could she be falling in love? Like what I longed for. One time, with full courage, I finally tried to greet her and ask her something. “Hi, I'm Angga, nice to meet you.” I stood in front of the classroom and immediately greeted her as she was about to enter. She looked at me kindly. Those beautiful eyes always radiated peace and strong charm. “Hi,” a single word uttered from her sweet lips. I became nervous; all the words I had carefully prepared immediately vanished. “I'm Andira. Nice to meet you too,” she continued, still looking at me. She waited for my next answer. I remained silent, continuously silent, until it made her wonder and say: “I'll go in now.” With a smile gracing her face, she stepped back into the classroom. “Eh, wait.” Realizing my foolishness, I immediately followed her into the classroom. She turned and smiled again. “Yes, what is it?” she asked kindly. I gathered all my courage to open my mouth, “Can I have your home phone number?” I asked briefly. She didn't answer and just nodded her head. With an almost exploding joy, I immediately ran to my desk and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil to give to her. She returned the paper with her phone number written on it. How thrilled and happy I was to have received her home phone number. Day after day passed quickly. There was no further conversation between us. I only observed her from a distance. Would she understand what had happened? My desire to have her was unbearable. But could she be falling in love? Like what I felt. Could she be falling in love? Like what I longed for. Today was Sunday. Three weeks had passed since that incident in class. I felt it was time to take out the paper with Andira's home phone number. The paper I caressed and gazed at every night. The paper containing the phone number of the woman I adored. God, convince her to fall in love only with me. That was my prayer every night before sleep. Without further delay, I immediately took the paper and a pocketful of 100 rupiah coins to the public phone booth across the street, not far from my house. I approached it, picked up the receiver, and inserted the 100 rupiah coin into the phone slot. I immediately dialed the numbers on the phone according to the number on the paper. *Ring, ring...* The call connected, and soon a voice was heard from the other end. “Hello,” replied the person on the other end. It wasn't Andira's voice, but a child's. This was probably Andira's younger brother. “Hello there. Is Andira home?” “Andira is here, but she can't answer the phone,” the boy replied. “Oh, why not?” I asked, surprised. *Dial tone... dial tone...* The call was disconnected by the person on the other end. *Ring... ring...* I tried to call her again. *Ring... ring...* There was no answer at all. I was sad and puzzled. Why wouldn't Andira answer the phone? But I would try again next week. I would keep trying until Andira herself answered the phone. Several weeks passed, and Andira never answered my calls. It was always her brother who picked up, and he always said the same thing. Those were always the words I received, and when I tried to call a second time, it was never answered. Two years passed quickly without me realizing it. I never stopped calling Andira every Sunday from the public phone booth across the street. If only she knew what I felt. I mumbled to myself, gazing at the 100 rupiah coin in my hand. I once thought of stopping all this. Because I knew the phone conversation would surely be the same again. Only the voice of a small child would be heard, with the unchanging answer: “Andira is here, but she can't answer the phone.” It was always that, and for some reason, it was always that way. We were about to graduate from high school, and Andira had never dated or seemed to like any boy. Andira remained friendly, kind-hearted, intelligent, and well-liked by many. Although occasionally I caught her looking gloomy, I never dared to speak to her or ask her anything. As our graduation approached, I still and always called her home every Sunday. For some reason, even though I had encountered the same situation dozens of times, my heart never wanted to stop dialing Andira's home phone number. In fact, over time, I even started to like the voice of the little boy who always answered the phone with the same opening line. Once, the boy said something different; he asked for my name and where I lived. I didn't know why, but at the time, I just answered without thinking. Finally, we graduated from high school and never met again. I decided to stop calling Andira, or more precisely, Andira's younger brother. One year passed, and I received a letter. The sender's name surprised and delighted me at the same time. That name was always in my heart. Her image never faded from my mind. Who else could it be but Andira? Yes, Andira sent me a letter. Perhaps this was a miracle. Without delay, I opened the letter very carefully. After reading it, my eyes were unconsciously filled with tears. It turned out that all this time she had been engaged. She was betrothed by her parents for business reasons. She always tried to close her heart to every man who found her attractive. She didn't dare and couldn't possibly refuse the arranged marriage. She felt she had no right to choose her own future. In this short letter, she apologized for never being able to answer my calls. As a closing, she thanked me and asked me to pray for her marriage to last. Oh Andira, I never expected this to be the answer to all my questions all this time. If only she knew what I felt. If only she knew that she would always be the adored woman in my heart. She would always be remembered by me as the perfect woman in my eyes forever. Yes, if only she knew.   THE END Download: IF ONLY SHE KNEW BY Grace Carolina